Kong from Crazy Kong

Don’t be confused, or think I’m confused – I don’t mean the Kong from Donkey Kong, but the one from the very-close-to-but-not-a-copy arcade game Crazy Kong. See, in the Kwik Shop in Lindsborg, KS, in the mid-80s (yeah, I’m old, so what?) they had the Crazy, but not the Donkey. And that’s what I played and where I grew to have a strange kind of affection for the always angry and banging his feet around simian kidnapper. You might think I’d like Jumpman better, since he was my representation in the game, but nope, I liked the ape, even as he threw barrels at me. Partially this was due to Crazy Kong being slightly tighter in its gameplay, which meant that Jumpman always seemed to be letting me down. But really, a lot of it is just that I like apes. Fun fact: Crazy Kong was also called Monkey Donkey. Which is yet another reason why it’s better than Donkey Kong.

The Flying Ostrich from Joust

This may start to seem like I have an animal obsession, but c’mon, does anyone who was around for its heyday not love Joust? I mean, outside of bad people? You’re a knight on a flying ostrich, winging it from floating rock to floating rock while facing off against Bounder, Hunter, and Shadow Lord evil knights and wacky pterodactyls, with everything happening over a bubbling lake of lava. And when you defeat those evil knights they turn into eggs you can scoop up for points. The whole premise is genius. Genius. Why they don’t make games like this in the modern era (and I don’t mean imitations, but with the same twisted logic and imagination) is beyond me. Anyway, ever since I played the game way back when I’ve wanted a flying ostrich. And still do today.

Toad from Mario Kart

I played a lot of Mario Kart at one time, mostly on DS and Wii and mostly with my nephews who were too young to drive and still could defeat me soundly in Kart, which is the best driving game of all time (feel free to disagree — you’re wrong). You might guess that my continual losing in this way would be frustrating, but it wasn’t, for one reason only: Toad. As far as I can tell, Toad’s a diminutive nose-less being wearing a diaper, a vest lifted from the genie in Aladdin, some really cozy brown slippers, and of course a giant red and white mushroom headpiece that’s nearly as big as his body. Toad is perhaps the smile-iest video game character ever. Toad is always smiling, and his smile is contagious like a happy strain of bubonic plague. If you play as Toad, you realize that losing isn’t a big deal, and that what really matters is smiling. And mushrooms.

Dr. Strange from Marvel vs. Capcom

If you don’t know about Dr. Stephen Strange, he’s the sorcerer supreme of our dimension (and if anyone says different, that’s because they’ve been confused by poorly written and lame recent Marvel comics). You can learn more about his origin story, which is without a doubt the finest origin story ever, on a site run by an enigmatic genial guy named Neilalien, where you’ll also find out which Dr. Strange comics you should own. But mostly, know this: Dr. Strange is cool. From his wildly colorful threads (including his famous Cloak of Levitation, which inspired my own cloak wearing), to his always-on-target mustache, to his ability to make the most magical of hand gestures, to his effervescent attitude in the face of many-armed baddies from other planes that would make you and I faint instantly, the Doc operates on a plane of daily existence most of us can’t even dream about. That’s right – our dreams can’t even reach his level. Oh, and his manservant Wong also kicks ass while wearing pajamas, and his usual ladyfriend-from-another-dimension, Clea, is hot.

Cupid from Venice

Earlier, at the beginning of this post, I said I would leave off most PopCap characters. Here is where I break the rules. But it isn’t out of self-interest, instead, out of self-preservation. Cupid, the cupid from the awesomely Italian city-saving game Venice, seems all cuddly and helpful during the game. But if you look into his eyes, you’ll soon begin to understand that behind the little wings and smiles he’s a fierce, deadly, unearthly being. And I certainly didn’t want him after me. So, when he asked to be in this post, there was nothing I could do. Nothing. I mean, just look into his eyes:

Look into his eyes:

Look into his eyes!

And now play Venice – he wants you to.

Yes, after a long and grueling campaign season, it is finally down to this. Three candidates, one office — and your vote. Because we know that you’re busy and may not have followed the campaign until now, or, like us, even been aware that it existed, we have asked the candidates to make one final statement before you cast your vote today. And no, we don’t know what they’re running for either. Just vote anyway and don’t ask so many questions.

The candidates’ official statements:

Stinky — Insaniquarium

To say that I was humbled by this nomination would be only slightly inaccurate, because the truth is, you don’t get any humbler than being a snail. In Charlotte’s Web, humble was defined as “low to the ground,” and, well… hello! I am stunned, truly, to learn that I am a candidate for this highest of honors.

I don’t have any campaign promises for you, but that’s all right, because you know what I’m about. I’m here to help — tend your gardens, grow your piggy banks in your absence, clean up after your pets and plants. It’s my pleasure to do it; every snail needs purpose, and my role in life has been endlessly rewarding. I would do it all without receiving anything in return, and yet you’ve been kind enough to give me chocolate! The food of kings… and of much larger mollusks.

It’s anybody’s guess whether slow and steady will win this race, but I’m happy just to be considered. If you need me, I’ll be picking up shiny objects or napping behind flowerpots. There’s work to be done, and I’m the snail to do it. I’ll just leave you with my motto:

Ask not what your fish tank can do for you, but what you can do for your fish tank!

Gondola — Venice

Gliding shoreline or sailing on the sea: we all are truth and self-evidence. I have wandered far, I have seen much. My knowledge is vast, yet my celebrity is small. I ask for your vote not for my own gain, but for yours.

Time and again, as the grand city of Venice plunged underwater, I rose up and carried it. When times are bleak and waves of fear wash over our great lands, I am buoyant. I will carry you to safety.

You have come today to make a choice. Do not take it lightly. Do not waiver like a ship lost at sea. Vote for Gondola and all your dreams come true. Shout out to Bowling Green and my peeps Freddie and Frieda. Go Falcons!

Stumpy — Hammer Heads

Friends, you will read a lot about the hardships and humble beginnings of my fellow candidates here on Election Day. And let me be the first to say that they are both fine leaders, as well as personal friends of mine. And in any other year might make fine choices. But this year, today, it is about finding the candidate who truly understands you, who’s experienced the kind of hard knocks in life that you, the people, face day after day. And I ask you, has anyone experienced harder knocks in life than the gnome standing before you today? For I am not talking about metaphorical knocks, my friends. My entire professional career has been devoted to one task and one task only: Getting knocked on the head with a hammer. When not getting knocked on the head, I sit in a hole underground, waiting only to emerge, simply to be hit again. This, my friends, is the meaning of sacrifice. I do this not because I enjoy it — though make no mistake, I do love my work and give thanks every day for the opportunity I’ve been given — but because the people demand it. The people need it. And should I win this election, I promise to give the same kind of devotion that I give to getting hit on the head with a hammer.

You have three great choices before you today. I only ask you to vote with your head. And remember that I have given you mine.

But sometimes you don’t want a roller coaster. Sometimes you want to ride the teacups. And sometimes what your heart longs for is a quiet, tranquil glide along the canal in a gondola.

If you think that sounds crazy, that's because you haven't tried it yet.

When we put up our poll on Tuesday, I was pleased as punch to see not only a fair percentage of votes but even a comment in support of my pick, Venice! (Perhaps more than one comment… the reply of “add me” is a little ambiguous. “Add” you to the list of folks who’d love to see Venice for iPad?  Sure thing!  ”Add” you as a friend?  Coming on a little strong there, guy. “Add” you to the menu? Wrong post, buddy, Zombie’s on Wednesday.)

And sure, 6% isn't much, but Zuma is unfair competition.

BlogRiders may have picked up on our quiet love for Venice over the last year. We have a tendency to bring it up in almost any list of games. When I wandered around the office asking people to name their favorite PopStrip, more than one simply exclaimed, “Gondola!” And yet, I suspect not everyone has actually played this little gem of a game, and I hope to change that.

The first thing you’ll notice about Venice is the absolutely beautiful art.

Well, and the kinda creepy baby. You get used to him.

The colors are rich and vibrant, the backgrounds filled with vines and flowers against deep red bricks, aged stones, and skies the lush hues of sunrise, dusk, and everything in between. This game is just so pretty to look at, it’s good for the spirit.

And then there’s the deceptively simple gameplay. You start out with that tutorial above, and you think, “Aim and shoot shapes? Easy.”

Like fish in a barrel, so are the shapes from the gondola. Or so you imagine.

But there’s so much complexity that develops over the course of the game. The obstacles add up, and there are slots you just cannot shoot at directly — you have to use the planes and angles to bounce the shapes into place, like a game of billiards. Then the obstacles start moving, and you not only have to plan around their angles, you have to wait for them to line up just right.

Here, for instance, I utterly failed to line up my shot to get that wind tube to deliver the heart to its home. It will ricochet all over the board, and I'll have to chase it down to avoid sinking.

That need for patience and deliberation, to me, is the heart of Venice. You can’t rush through it. If I want to challenge myself with speed and reflexes and decision-making on the fly, I’ll take on Iron Frog mode in Zuma’s Revenge.  But if I want a challenge that’s more like a zen state, I go for Venice every time.  It’s a soothing experience that pleases the eye and stimulates the mind.

So that’s my pitch for my preferred candidate. Download the free trial (right now it’s PC only, but together we can change the world), give it a go, and then, if you haven’t already voted in the poll, go do that too.  You don’t have to vote for Venice… but I wouldn’t be surprised to see its percentage rise throughout the day like the water level of the canals.

Don’t believe me? Would you play Zuma if it were called “Amphibious Ballshooter”? Well, okay, maybe that’s a bad example.

You may be aware that Bejeweled was originally called Diamond Mine, way back in 2000. But did you know we once wanted to call Plants vs. Zombies “Lawn of the Dead”? We decided George Romero (or at least his lawyers) wouldn’t like that too much.

Here’s a list of some other title ideas that didn’t make the cut — and some that I wish we could’ve tried. Because why not?

Peggle
Thunderball – Yep. This was a Thor-themed prototype of Peggle
Pego – Too close to another game brand, perhaps? You decide. But we had to change the name just weeks before the game release. That was fun!

Plants vs. Zombies
Lawn of the Dead
Morticulture
Bloom & Doom – In the game, this is the seed packet company’s name
Zombotany – Not easy to say or read, but people at PopCap liked it enough that it became a mini-game title

Venice — the only game I know of starring an unmanned gondola!
Sinking City
Better than Milan
Extreme Gondola!
Gondolamania (And why not? I mean, we already had Rocket Mania and Talismania… why not Gondolamania?)

Mystery P.I. – The Lottery Ticket
Mystery P.I. – The Curious Case of the Hidden Reality
Mystery P.I. – Have You Seen My Pants?

Zuma
Enter the Frog
Fancy Frog and the Frightening Four (no, not really)

Alchemy
Gold-Maker (exciting, isn’t it?)
Solid Gold Prancer

And finally, our old mobile game, Mars Needs Cows, likely had lots of bad title ideas. But we don’t remember any of them. So, we think it may have originally been titled Interrupting Cow.

Okay, I’ll stop there, before I Interrupting Cow.