I have terminated every single zombie you have been able to throw at me. Have zombies finally given up? It is a shame how pathetic zombies were to give up against me. (I am eleven.) Why don’t you get all of your friends, barge into PopCap’s studios and make them make number two.

Sincerely,
Unbeatable House Owner

Dear UHO,

Zombie know what you are asking, but Zombie Editor not like potty talk so Zombie gonna leave that one alone.

yrs,
Zombie

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Dear Zombie Dude Guy,

I am going to England this summer. Are there English zombies?

Oliver

Dear Oliver Person,

Too right. Bob’s your uncle. Pip pip and carry on. Keep calm and have some chips, which are not chips like you have but are really French fries which aren’t even French so maybe the English are right except they say “aluminum” funny and put the letter U in words that don’t need it. Alan Whickers, and all that. Prove me wrong, England! Wait, what was the question?

yrs,
Zoumbie

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Dear Zombie,

I have noticed that when you are hunting for brains and the evil plants are attacking why don’t you use plant killer so that way you can get the tasty brains without problems?

Yours sincerely,

Rupert

Dear Rupert

Any time Zombie go to hardware store for plant killer, Zombie get distracted by tasty brains of smart hardware store peepulz and forget to aks where is the plant killer. Upside is Zombie always leave full. Downside is Zombie never find out where they keep plant killer. Zombie win some, Zombie lose some.

yrs,
Zombie

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Dear Zombie,

I figure you would know a lot about this, so here goes. I have no skull or scalp. In fact my brains are totally exposed. I try to protect them from the sun, but they are too tender to wear a hat or wig. I have tried sunscreen but that makes my brains smell like liver and onions. I don’t know what to do. Any advice?

Signed,
Askinfortrouble

Dear You,

Zombie know what this is. You must think Zombie just fall off turnip truck. Well, Zombie did recently fall of turnip truck but that because stupid turnips pushed. You almost make Zombie come over and pick easy brain. But Zombie know this is a trap. Brains smell like copper and wet mop. Put on sunscreen and they smell like copper and wet mop and coconut. Deelishus, but not liver or onions.

yrs,
Zombie

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Hey Advice Zombie,

I already live in the country. How can I better prepare for the impending zombie apocalypse?

Ryan

Oh, Ryan.

Move to city. Zombie probably going to lose his Zombie union card for telling you this, but city has lot more places to hide from zombies. It make it more of a game for both sides that way. A game you is going to lose, but still a game. Country zombies just have to find that one house in the middle of a field and it is pretty good bet it going to have peepul in it. Country zombies not dumb. They know you did not hide in a hay bale.

yrs,
Zombie

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Need advice? Zombie want to help. For realsies.
Write to Zombie at ZombieAdvice(at)PopCap.com.
Want to know how to kill zombies? Keep walking, smart guy.