Knock knock!

Who’s there?

India

India who?

India-vent you don’t pack a sandwich, we can pick up tacos!

Good, right?

Felicia Felix-Mentor

Dear Mrs. Huxtable,

See, how this thing work is, you aks Zombie a thing and then Zombie answer that thing. Zombie not really know what to do with this one because you already answered. Do you even need Zombie here? Anyway, tacos is more of a peepul thing and not a zombie thing. Oh, unless youse is talking about tacos de sesos. Then Zombie totally on board with that. Extra sesos, hold the tacos.

Also too as well in addition, here is Zombie favorite knock-knock joke:

Knock knock!

Come in!

yrs,
Zombie

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Dear Zombie-

I was thinking of visiting the mummies of Ferentillo this summer, and it made me wonder – how do you feel about mummies? What about ghouls? Spectres? Wraiths? Are there undead parties? And if so, what music is played? And what shoes do you wear?

Curiously,
William Beckford’s Nephew

Dear Sir Peter,

Zombie dig mummies (tee hee, Zombie made a funny). Akchually, Zombie lurnt a lot of what Zombie know from mummies. Zombie can not say much about mummy fashion sense, but when chips are down, you gonna want a mummy in your corner. Also, Zombie not know what “when chips are down” means. Zombie pretty sure Zombie fall in to ‘ghoul’ classification so it probly comflict of interest to say too much about that (Ghouls Rule!). Also, Zombie not care about comflict of interest. Spectres are a little mopey, if you want to know the truth. They make pretty good punch, so they always get invites to undead parties but spend a lot of time just standing in corner being all “boo hoo, I am a spectre and not even that judgy one from the comic books.” AND YOU STAY AWAY FROM WRAITHS. Zombie have complimacated relationship with Wraiths and do not need you messing it up.

Man, are we still on this question?

As for music what play at undead parties (always shoes-optional, bee-tee-dub), if you guess “Monster Mash” then go outside and walk west until yer hat floats. There is usually rotating music reps risps duties for parties. Except Spectre lost music privileges after putting “Who Killed Mr. Moonlight?” on repeat and wouldn’t let nobody near the boom box. Talk about a downer. Note: a little Bauhaus go a long, long (long) way. Where was Zombie… oh, right, music. Two words: Yma Sumac.

yrs,
Zombie

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Akaw!

Do you ever go surfing or are you a beach leech? If you’re a choka surfer, what would be the top ten surfing beaches you’d visit if you wanted to avoid swallowing the chowder but don’t mind getting in the soup?

Dude,
Dude

Dude,

Zombie not speak yer moon language. But Zombie not a quitter so maybe can figure this out. Zombie not really into the whole beach scene, except that sometimes Zombie can find sleepy people, covered in oil just lying around. It kind of like a buffet, so there is that. Zombie have never choked a surfer before but is not against it in theory. As for beaches to visit, Zombie always want to see Chowpatty Beach in Mumbai for it’s beautiful sands or the beach at Blackpool (England) for the friendly locals, but for obvious reasons (to Zombie and anybody what speak Spanish or not speak Spanish but what can use Google Translate and then not be disappointed in Google Translate because it doesn’t work)  Zombie number one beach is Playa Zipolite in Mexico. Go ask Jeeves.

yrs,
Zombie
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Р~!

ҼȄӽ ҆퇑 xǀ ˷u帱q侾
ٵ順X, ĭX, ‘XX : ҼȄӽ =ǏŴٰ�頱ŇϽÁҿ
ٵ 灶, Ųĉ: ĉ Ÿ Ǐ頿؁��ȇρ��ʀ俼

Ƕ݀μBR

Listen Terence,

That not how it went down. At all. Get the story straight before you open your word hole.

yrs,
Zombie

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Hey Zombie,

I have trouble doing division. Like in the question 7 divide by 5. Do you have a brain to do it?

Sabeen

Hey Sabeen,

Do words “Texas Instruments” mean nothing to you? 7 divided by 5 is 1.4. You want Zombie should get all cosine up in here? Bring it.

yrs,
Zombie
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Zombie owes guy named Rob an apology. Sorry Rob.
As for the rest of you, you have problems what only Zombie can fix.
Write to ZombieAdvice(at)PopCap.com.

Before it is too late.

PvZ Adventures is an ever-expanding world with new ways to play PvZ. What does that mean? It means now zombies go off the grid — they won’t just take straight lines to get your brains, they’ll take any zig-zagging way possible. It’s up to you to stop them. And it’s not just your yard you’re fighting in… it’s all of Big Zombie Country! In town, you’ll need to grow plants, defend your turf, take back the town from the zombies and build up what the zombies have un-built. Then, you’ll head out to the country on a zombie-zapping Road Trip with new worlds, new zombies and many ridiculous things.

Since it’s on Facebook, we made sure there are lots of ways to interact with your friends. Send a zombie to invade their town. Send a nice gift just to be nice. Or, just see how your stack of zombies ranks on the leaderboards.

There’s a ton of stuff to do, many sights to see, and lots of fun to find in PvZ Adventures. I could keep writing about it, but this is the point where I tell you to watch the game trailer and go play. So: watch the video, share with your friends, then go play!

Oh, and click the button at the end of the video and you’ll get 250 free coins to get started.

We hope you love the new game!

Reluctant Editor’s Note: For those of you who’ve read this far and are wondering: “Is this PvZ 2?” No, it’s not… that game is coming very soon! But, instead of sitting around waiting and asking for that, go get your zombie-zapping fix on Facebook. Yes, really.

Tip 1: Rocks
Rocks may not seem like much — they just sit around and lamet lanmet mope about not being bigger. But rocks can gussy up any garden with artful placement. Especially if placement involves climbing ladder and dropping rocks straight onto stupid flowers.

Tip 2: Salt
You got to be kidding, zombie, says you. But no, I don’t kid, says zombie! Salt is delishus on just about any type of brain, and eating delishus brains when they salty and even more delishus makes any garden more toler tolerbl okay.

Tip 4: Asparagus Stinks
Alive peepuls once said asparagus is delishus. Other alive peepuls say it’s just ditch weed. I say the second group of victims peepuls is right, and also it is stinky ditch weed. You will get to know asparagus more very soon (catch my hint hint?) so I don’t think you also need to plant stinky plantz in beautiful rock patch.

Tip 4: Garden Party
After yore garden is pretty and you are tired from hard work, invite friendz over for party this Saturday, 7:00 oclock. Friendz are new thing this year for Zombie — alive peepuls sending me to lots of friendz houses lately, but no garden party yet. Anyhoo, garden party after planting work should be grand and include special beve berv drinks and horse durves. Be sure to put big sign out for party and keep gate unlocked.

I hope you enjoy theez tips. Now go make best garden ever.

Love,

Zombie

Need more gardening tips, or advice for perfecting any other part of your life?
Help Zombie help you.
Send your question to ZombieAdvice (at) PopCap.com

Submit your captions in the comments below!

I have, as of late, grown increasingly bored. I’ve been making stuffed animals with felt but am fresh out of ideas! What do you think that I should make? Or should I just do something completely different, like draw or read or something?

What do you do when you’re bored? Or is eating brains such an entertaining occupation that you’re not concerned with how you spend your time?

Hoping for an answer,

Joy P.

P.S. Which do you hate more, pea shooters or cherry bombs?

Dear Joypi,

Maybe you wanna try making stuffed animals out of other things. Banana peels, small rocks, paper bags, French horns… that sort of thing. Don’t limit yourself. Why not draw and read and … something. Eel fighting, wolverine manicurist, floral dentistry… or, y’know, whatevs. Maybe just read a real boring book and then all that other stuff gonna seem exciting again.

Zombie not really have time to get bored. Besides, you would be surprised how many different ways people go “AAIIEEE!” when they see Zombie coming. It never get old.

yrs,
Zombie

P.S. They are both jerks.

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Dear Zombie,

I almost had my brains eaten, but I decided to show the zombie the closest people who had Undefended lawns, and they were happy. I decided to make peace with them by showing them other people’s brains. Anyway, you guys are mostly happy with me ever since I gave you brains and changed my cruel, plant friendly ways. I decided to eat plants for zombies so they didn’t have to eat them, and Those pea shooters can’t hurt me. Are my brains still at risk?

Hunter (of brains)

Dear Hunter,

Are your brains still at risk? In a word: totally. Nobody likes a suck-up.

yrs,
Zombie

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Hey! Speaking of suck-ups!

Dyr Zombie,

Zombi myght cal Vampire stupid, but do difrent brans typs tast beter than othyrs? Sometims king blood tastes beter than dyrty pesent blood. Dysgustyng!

Yrs,
Vampire

Dear Vampire,

How many times Zombie has to tell you? Do not bother Zombie at work! But since you and Zombie am here, Zombie have a question for you? Why Vampire such a snob? This is you, “Ooh, I am all fancy and not want to drink yucky poor peepul blood. What will the Dowager Countess say? Oh heavens, I seem to have come all over with the vapors! (faints)” You only eat one thing, dude. You cannot afford to get all choosy.

Now get back up your tree.

yrs,
Zombie

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Dear Zombie,
Hello, my name is Lynn and I am quite impressed that you know how to use the computer! Tell me, how did you learn to use the computer? Was it easy or hard with your brainless head? I’m not being rude or anything, but I’m curious and one more thing, I think you should eat meat. :p
Yours sincerely,
Lynn

Dear Lynn,

Zombie will decide who is being rude and who isn’t. Anyway, Zombie just take “How to Internet” course from Video Professor and rest is easy! HAHAHAHAH! Just kiddings. Zombie not fall for that. Anyway, Zombie got one of them Gateway jobbies. The box looks like a cow! It have everything a zombie need.

In spare time Zombie trying to build old-timey Difference Engine but all them Steampunk kids keep buying gears and junk to glue to their outfits.

Zombie should eat meat? What you thingk brains is?

yrs,
Zombie

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Dear Zombie,

Hungry, too, I reckon

Sloee1

Dear Somebody Who Is Clearly Trying to Avoid a Reading Assignment,

Zombie rest a while and go on. Zombie ain’t afeared of the dark.

Now get back to work. Huckleberry not going to read himself.

yrs,
Zombie
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Hey there, Zombie guy,
Swinging down the street so fancy free.
Nobody you meet could ever see
The loneliness there inside you.

Help Zombie help you.
Send your question to ZombieAdvice (at) PopCap.com

Do you have a Zombie family? Is it the same family you had before you became a Zombie or did you create a brand new family once you became a Zombie.

Thank you for your time.

Lauren

Dear Lalahalahalal,

Zombie just is. There was no “before” Zombie. This am who Zombie am, as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Ramen. Sorry, Zombie forgot what Zombie was saying. Anywayz, Zombie part of what some might call “non-trad family.” Which is to say it just a bunch of zombies who kinda hang out sometimes but otherwise stay out of each other’s bizniss. So it superior to more regalur type family in many ways. Best part is Zombie not has to share a bathroom with other zombies so there are never any grody toothpaste blobs left in the sink.

yrs,
Zombie

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Hey, Zombie!

Do you watch the Annoying Orange?

Signed, Josh

Dear Josh,

Which one? Hahahahahah! Zombie make a funny. All oranges are annoying. For that matter all fruits are annoying. Ditto vegetables. Zombie think Josh know where Zombie going with this. Why would Zombie watch piece of fruit that go out of its way to be extra obnoxious? Regalur fruits doing it fine without him.

yrs,
Zombie
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dear zombie my friend says that u r stupid I dissagree can u halp me tell her that what do I say.

Lexi

Dear Lexi,

You can’t fight Philistines. Unless you are King David. Or the Assyrians. Or possibly Sargon the Great. If you are any of them guys you can probly lick Philistines pretty good. Otherwise you just gots to walk away. Or, better yet, stick your fingers in your ears and run away while shouting “NANANA I’M NOT LISTENING I’M NOT LISTENING NANANANANA!”

yrs,
Zombie
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Dear Zombie,

I’ve noticed Dr. Zomboss likes to write in cursive. Do you and the Dr. agree it is redicilous teachers are no longer even trying to teach kids cursive?

Sincerely,

Bejeweler

Dear Bejewjeler,

It almost as bad as not teaching kids proper spelling. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Zombie make another funny. See, because you spell ridicleous wrong. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Dang. Zombie forgot what Zombie was talking about again. It spring time and Zombie fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love. Tra-la-la.

yrs,
Zombie

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Hi Zombie,

Did you have a good vacation? Where did you go? I didn’t get a postcard.

With love and respect,

Christine

Dear Christine,

Zombie went to that place that has that thing. You know the one? They do that thing there with the thing? Anyway, errybody really seem to like it. It was pretty good. Zombie had nice postcard for you but ate the stamp. Didn’t mean to but now stamps already have sticky junk on them and Zombie not know that so Zombie go to lick it and it stuck to tongue. It did not taste so bad. Anyway, Zombie still have postcard and will bring it when I come to your place on (checks datebook) July 12.

yrs,
Zombie
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And all Zombie wanted to say
And all Zombie gotta do
Who’d Zombie do this for
Hey, Zombie or you?

So send your questions already: ZombieAdvice(at)PopCap.com

Bookworm Heroes launched last week, and Games.com didn’t waste any time coming up with cheats and tips for beating your friends in a word-fueled battle. Check them out to get the edge in your future linguistic endeavors!

Here is some of the awesome, splendid, superb, marvelous, stupendous, and magnificent Bookworm Heroes coverage (I may have gotten slightly carried away with the word theme…):

• 148 Apps
• Games.com
• Polygon
• Venture Beat
• App Advice

Not only did Games.com decide to expose the secrets to mastering Bookworm Heroes but they put together cheats and tips for Plants vs. Zombies as well.

And also on the Plants vs. Zombies front, last week PC World put together their list of “12 Great PC Games for Any Age,” and PvZ made the list! They say that, although “Fighting the undead with exotic flora may seem like an odd choice for all-ages gaming” the game is “a blast.”

Or reclining in sunshine in a dreamy Sunflower t-shirt:

For that matter, can you really imagine being at the ballpark without wearing a Conehead Zombie fitted cap:

And, finally, no one but no one wants to be frolicking in a meadow sans their Ask Me About Mustache Mode t-shirt:

Unless they are a square. And you’re not a square, right? Prove it by shopping for Plants vs. Zombies apparel now!