I just got promoted at my job, but I’m workin the nights now, not the daytime anymore. Now for you, as a Zombie, it’s easy for you to come out every night and sleep all day. But I’m a day person as well and I’d hate to sleep throughout the whole day, what should I do?

Brian

Listen Brian,

Zombie not sure why you think Zombie is a vampire. Zombie go out whenever Zombie want. Zombie not afraid of a little sun. Vampires all “Oh no! The sun! My precious skin can’t take it! Look at me, I wear a cape!” Zombie am totally Team Shut Up About Vampires.

Anyway, why you not do what errybody else do? Sleep at the work. Then you has lots of energy for the not-work time.

yrs,
Zombie

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Dear Zombie,

I have a female friend, whom I have known for many years and have, for the last few months, been smitten by. Do you have any advice on the best way to tell her without damaging our friendship?

Sincerely
L

Dear L,

Why you hang out with someone who is smiting you? You wants to know how to tell her she is smiting you? If she does not know, maybe you should send her to a doctor. Or tell her, “Hey! Quit it with the smiting!” At least maybe you should move over a couple of feet so you out of smiting range.

yrs,
Zombie

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Dear Zombie,

I’m from Germany and I… Aaaww it’s so hard to say.. but I think I love you! No I don’t think, I know! ♥ But has our relationship a chance? What do you think? And it doesn’t matter if you want to eat my brain, I have some amazing skills for killing you so don’t try :*.

In love,
L. :* ♥ *hug*

Dear El Hug,

It been a long time since Zombie had what you might call a “relationship” but… what is that saying? “If you love something… don’t spend so much time on backup plan for killing it.” or something like that. Zombie gonna back away slowly now, but thank you for your interest.

yrs,
Zombie
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Dear Zombie,

Where did you learn to type?

-Oven

Dear Oven,

Mavis Beacon.

yrs,
Zombie
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Dear Zombie,

What does your co-worker, Bungee Zombie, do with all of the plants he steals?

Best regards,
Gabe

Dear Gabe,

Two words: compost.

‘K, Zombie not really know if Bungie Zombie composting. Maybe BZ just throwing the plants away. Or maybe keeping them as pets. Maybe it not any of your business. Why errybody care so much about stupid plants anyway? The really corm korn puzzling part is where BZ come from when he drop in. What the grunt is BZ attaching cord to? Zombie can’t really look up to see (stiff neck is unpleasant side effect of being zombie). This been bugging Zombie for a long time. You want to help out Zombie? Answer that.

yrs,
Zombie

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Need advice? Zombie standing by.
Type at ZombieAdvice(at)PopCap.com.
You won’t regret it. Until you do.