Dear Zombie,

My teenage son hates school and homework but he loves YOU and all your Zombie buddies. Call me crazy, but I want more for his future than just a one-sided relationship with the undead. How can I ensure he won’t become a Zombie-like loser when he fails school because he spends too much time playing Zombie games and not enough time doing his homework?

A Concerned Parent Fighting The Zombification Of His Son,
Christian

Dear Crazy,

Why you gotta hate? Zombie can think of lot of peepul what not finish high skool: Lindsay Lohan, Charlie Sheen, Paris Hilton… okay, you know what? Nevermind. Zombie think maybe you right on this one. Tell lousy kid to do stupid homework. That way his brain be more learned and Zombie like to save learned brains for last. They are like brain icing on head cake. That gonna give him an extra day or two at least.

yrs,
Zombie
_______________________________________

Dear Zombie,

If you can do the square root of 5 (see last week – Zom. Ed.), why are you enable to write in proper English?

Joshua

Dear Joshua,

Good thing you not live in glass house. Anyway, why you say Zombie “enable” to write proper? Maybe Zombie write good and it evrybody else what doing it wrong? Zombie is the future, Joshua. Get on the trolley.

yrs,
Zombie

————————————————————-

Dear Zombie,

I’m some good, awful bad, and a lonesome kind of ugly. But, doggonnit, Zombie, I am all the way dead. Seein’ how I can’t get no deader, should I still brandish my shooter?

I remain in remains,
Zomboy Slim

Dear Slim,

Be not so hard on yourself, brother. You has that special kind of beauty that most people confuse with ugly. World just not ready for you yet. Stay strong.

yrs,
Zombie

————————————————————-

Dear Zombie,

Zombies don’t eat brains, they eat flesh. If you saw the episode of The Walking Dead then you would know. I LOVE THE WALKING DEAD even though the first time I watch it I got scared.

Michelle

Dear Michelle,

Zombie LOVE THAT SHOW too. It is most funnest 60 minutes Zombie spend. But teevee not real, Michelle so who you going to believe? Actual Zombie or teevee zombie?

yrs,
Zombie (a real one)

———————————————–

Dear Zombie,

Being zombies do you have zombie buddies that you hang out with? Do you guys play games like hide and seek and cards when you are not eating brains?

Love,
Emma

Dear Emma,

Zombie not always have time for games and fun. Looking for brains take more time than you might think. But when zombies have some minutes to spare we always up for Gee-Haw Whimmy Diddle, Huckle Buck Beanstalk or quick game of Quoits (but this one time Zombie step on a hob and it hurt like crazy).

yrs,
Zombie

———————————————————-

Dear Zombie,

Our university has this new building called the Brain Health Centre. Just thought you might be interested. Please feel free to drop by anytime.

Sincerely,
A Brain-Dead Student
University of British Columbia

Dear Stu,

If Zombie had working tear ducts, this letter make Zombie cry. Thank you for looking out for Zombie. This not really question or anything, but that okay. Zombie is going to Canada!

yrs,
Zombie

__________________________________________________________

Need advice from Zombie? Zombie want to help. For reals.
Write to Zombie at ZombieAdvice(at)PopCap.com.
But do not type “(at)”. Use the @ thingy. Zombie just trying to cut down on spam.