How is it that zombies are smart enough to break into any building but not smart enough to use the door knob?

Aaron

Dear Aaron,

Zombie sad to hear you not appreciate Zombie’s flare for the dramatic. Door knob is for the weak. Anybody can use door knob. How many peepul you know can pound on door for long time before finally breaking thru? It take patience and skill. Besides, look on peepuls faces is priceless. Totally worth effort.

yrs,
Zombie

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Dear Zombies,

Do you think gold is a good investment? Or have I left it too late to buy right now? Thanks.

Sarah

P.S. Sorry my plants offed several of your brethren today.

Dear Sarahs,

You know what is good investment? Beans. Beacuase you can plant them and grow beanstalk to climb up to the sky and then get all the giant’s gold. Much cheaper, better return. Just watch out for giant.

yrs,

Zombie

P.S. That going on your permanent record.

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Dear Mr. Zombie,

What is the difference between a vegetarian’s brain and a normal person’s brain?

Alif

Dear Mr. Alif,

This one easy. Answer is in the question.

yrs,
Zombie

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Dear zombie,

I’m an uptown girl and I’m looking for a backstreet guy. What should I do?

Hadar

Dear hadar

You never had backstreet guy? Did your momma never told you why? If you know what you want from your time then you already waked up and made up your mind. If you tired of high class toys and prezints from uptown boys, you has a choice. But backstreet guy can’t afford to buy you pearls, unless maybe one day his ship come in.

yrs,
Zombie

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Dear Zombie,

What’s the square root of 5?

Jonatan

Jonatan,

Square root of 5 is 2.2360679774997896964.

What? Zombie eat a lot of brains. Knowing this stuff is sometimes side effect.

yrs,
Zombie

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Need advice from Zombie? Zombie want to help. Srsly.
Write to Zombie at ZombieAdvice(at)PopCap.com.
But do not type “(at)”. Use the @ thingy. Zombie just trying to cut down on spam.