I have three children. I’ve taught them all I know, and still, they know nothing. Will they survive the coming Zombie Apocalypse?

Concerned Mom

Dear Mom,

Do not sell yourself short. Sounds like student is now master.

But to answer your question: No. Nobody going to survive Zombie Apocalypse. Except zombies. Why you think Zombies’s's name is on it? If it called Concerned Mom Apocalypse or Know-Nothing Kid Apocalypse, that would be different. But it is not called those things, is it? No. No, it is not.

yrs,
Zombie

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Hey, Mr. Zombie,

Recently, I got a serious problem about dating a girl. She had been avoiding me, and I don’t know why. What should I do so I can date her successfully?

Cheers!
Eddie

Dear Eddie Baby,

It is like poet said (Zombie not remember poet’s name… Tenniselbow or something) “Theirs not to reason why/Theirs but to take a hint and bug different girl.” It possible Zombie is paraphrasing. Anyway, there is a lot of other girl fish in sea. Maybe you think that not so helpful since you are not fish, but maybe you just too picky.

yrs,
Zombie

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Dear Zombie,

How come zombie never gives OTHER zombies advice? Why not help your own kind? WHY HELP THE ENEMY? You have betrayed your fellow zombies… Jerk.

Hatefully,
Zombie Fan 101

Dear Angry Guy,

Answering advice question about advice is like Zombie eating Zombie’s own brain, but Zombie going to give try. Zombie not give other zombies advice because other zombies not need it. Real zombies not write all the time aksing “How does zombie invade house?” or “Do I wear cone or bucket?” or “How do I eat brains?”

Zombie know what time it is.

yrs,
Zombie

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Need advice from Zombie? Zombie want to help. Srsly.
Write to Zombie at ZombieAdvice(at)PopCap.com.
But do not type “(at)”. Use the @ thingy. Zombie just trying to cut down on spam.