I’ll start again.

So, as a follow up to my post of last week, in which I introduced all of the heroes in Bookworm Heroes, this week I want to focus my extremely nearsighted, Mr Magoo-like eyes on the game’s pets. Like the heroes, pets will provide a nice power-up for you when they are charged up — with each pet offering a unique power. Unlike heroes, however, pets are entirely optional, and cost 750 coins per game. While you can, of course, choose not to buy a pet, the added boost can be crucial in a close game, and provide a nice handicap should you be playing one of those annoying people who are better than you.

Lucy the Berserk Bat

Lucy restores health based on your next word’s score–the higher the score, the more health regained. Lucy can be a lifesaver near the game’s end, giving you much needed health back if you’re on the verge of defeat.  Pairing Lucy with Lex gives you a strong, defense-oriented combo against tough opponents.

Vonnie the Frosty Feline

Vonnie, along with being saddled by an odd name, encases an enemy’s tile in ice for two turns, rendering that tile totally unusable. This will work even on your opponent’s special, high-scoring tiles, so be sure to save it for those, as it will guarantee maximum frustration.

Wiley the Picky Piglet

Like that other resourceful pig, Charlotte, Wiley is talented enough that we’ve let him live rather than serve as tomorrow’s bacon. Mmmmm, bacon.  Wiley can change a letter on any tile except diamonds. On its own not particularly exciting, but this can be extremely useful if you’re just one letter shy from that awesome giant word you’d otherwise be able to make.

Peggy the Precious Pony

Peggy, whom we strongly encourage you not to associate with any other brand of Little Pony, enchants any tile you tap, thus turning it into gem tile. A powerful, offensive pet that can help turn even a mediocre word like “burger” (mmmm, burger) into a massive blast of awesome.  Used with a letter like X or Z, you’re guaranteed to turn your opponent into a thumb-sucking emotional wreck, curled up in the fetal position and calling for mommy.

Harry the Pecuniary Porcupine

Harry is the first pet we’ve added to the original menagerie, and he is purchasable for $1.99. (That is real-life currency, not BookwormBuckz.). What do you get for your money? More money. That’s capitalism for ya, comrade!  Harry gives you 4x coins (the not-real-life kind) for whatever you earn on your next word.  Not so much a strategy against your opponent as a way for hoarders and investor-types to increase their coin balance, which might be useful in the next recession, for which my dad says we always need to be ready, especially with politicians being the way they are these days and the fact that our infrastructure is totally crumbling and most kids today are so obsessed with taking selfies on their whaddyacallum smartphones that they can’t even be bothered to notice they don’t have a career yet and are another reason this country is going down the toilet.

Submit your captions in the comments below!

The reason for my poor record is that, like the Marlins, I lack the talent and strategy to beat my opponents. Unlike the Marlins, however, there is nothing for me to do about the “talent” part. The Marlins could spend a ton of money to buy better players. Me? No amount of money is going to make me any smarter. I’m stuck with my own stupidity. But I can get better at the strategy of Bookworm Heroes. And the game does have tons of strategy. Which is why, even while I’m sucking at it, I’m having so much fun.

So since I’ve just spent two paragraphs emphasizing my lack of skill at the game, I am now not going to offer my tips to you. The only tip I really have is “don’t listen to tips from me.” This will at least ensure you don’t get slaughtered.

What I can do, however, is provide you with a rundown of the game’s heroes — who they are, and what they’re good for. Because it’s right there in the title of the game. This isn’t just about being good at Bookworm. It’s about knowing who the heroes are, how to use them, what their signature tiles and ultimate skills are, and when to use each. If I’d only read something like what I’m about to write before playing my first game, I might have sucked like .00001 percent less. Here’s hoping it does the same for you.

(And by the way, if you haven’t played the game since launch, you should know that we now feature a different hero for free each week, and you can also buy each hero permanently for a one-time cost, which I’ll list below.)

LEX (25,000 coins)

The hero we all know and love. The star of every previous version of Bookworm. Lex’s signature tile is the Apple Tile. This tile, when used in a word, will replenish a little bit of your health. Lex’s ultimate skill is also health related, granting you bonus health for each 3 or 4 letter word you create. Needless to say, Lex is best for defensive players. You get no extra attack bonuses with him but you will have a much better chance of hanging in longer — and making your opponent have to fight harder to win.

HAMLET  (60,000 coins)

Alas poor Hamlet! First he’s haunted by his own father, now he’s stuck making words forever in a video game. He gets his revenge, though. For one, his signature tile is the Inky Tile, in which he sprays random tiles on your opponent’s board with ink, rendering them unusable for one turn. Though this isn’t a huge deal at the beginning of the game, it can be crucial at the end, especially in a close game when every point (and letter) matters. Hamlet’s ultimate skill, fittingly enough for English lit nerds, is called Sweet Revenge, which, when used wisely, can strike your opponent as brutally as (spoiler alert!) Claudius gets it in the end. With Sweet Revenge, you are challenged to spell a word with a higher point count than your opponent played on his last turn. Do so, and those points of his are added to yours for a devastating attack. Great for those with big vocabularies or cheaters using a dictionary.

RAZOR  (90,000 coins)

Like Keanu Reeves, Razor can, like, totally hack into the Matrix (that is, your opponent’s board) for brutal attacks. She’s also purple, just to be extra cool. Razor’s signature tile is the Cyber Tile, which grants huge point bonuses for shorter words. The catch, however, is that those tiles cannot be used at all in words longer than 5 letters.  This is great if you’re like me, or Keanu, and tend to not use words longer than, say, “whoa” on a daily basis. Razor’s ultimate skill is Hack & Spell, which not only lets you make longer words, but also lets you do it with tiles stolen from your opponent’s board. My personal favorite of all the hero skills, Hack & Spell can often be the single strongest offensive attack in the game, especially when used in conjunction with special tiles.

POLYPHEMUS (60,000 coins)

If you know what this name is referencing, then congratulations, you are a somewhat educated person. Me? I had to look it up on Wikipedia. Apparently, Polyphemus was the one-eyed son of Poseidon and Thoosa, and also the big cyclops that Odysseus meets in Homer’s Odyssey. It’s kind of a bummer to me that I didn’t remember this, given that I took a semester class specifically on that book, but, hey, whaddya gonna do? I was probably playing pinball during most of those lectures. In any case, here in this game, Polyphemus is also kind of a beast. His signature tile is the Smashed Tile, in which he pounds on your opponent’s tiles, lowering their point value. Polyphemus will keep doing this throughout the game, rendering your opponent’s board a wasteland of lower point values, making it much harder to score high-point words. Likewise, his ultimate skill is Tile Driver, which will smash tiles and lower their value four times in a row, possibly crushing tiles down to zero, exploding them and smashing adjacent tiles. Overall, a great hero to use against those with big vocabularies.

This is a mere overview of the heroes. This is not enough to grant you a victory, for which I am sorry. What you also need to know is which hero to counter with when you’ve been challenged, as well as which pet to pick to effectively tag team. These are subjects for another day, written by another person. But I do hope that even this superficial overview helps you understand one of the game’s fundamentals. Bookworm Heroes is more complex than it looks. The more you dive in, the better you’ll get. But knowing the heroes is important! Don’t just pick Lex every time because he’s cute. Cute only gets you so far in life. Believe me, I found that out the hard way.

If you have an iPad, iPhone, or iPod touch, I won't be offended if you go straight to download the game instead of reading the rest of this post. If you don't have any of those devices, there's never been a better reason to buy one! Not exaggerating. Or overstating. Or engaging in hyperbole.

As you may imagine, the hard part about working at a magic rainbow and unicorn factory like PopCap is knowing something awesome and not being allowed to talk about it. For months, I’ve been sitting on this one, giddy about the fun that was about to spill forth into the world, counting the days until its release. So now, let me tell you how you’re about to spend April 18th (and beyond!).

So, fair to say, there are other word games out there. You probably play a few of them, as do I.  And one of the commonalities, I find, is how much they limit you. Sure, sure, there’s benefit to that.  There’s beauty in simplicity, and there’s a challenge inherent in doing your best within restrained conditions.

And then there's the glory of being able to spell the best word you can find, spreading your linguistic wings and scoring!

Bookworm Heroes is all about you. Choose the Hero whose power best suits your play style and personality. Are you an offensive player who likes to come out swinging? Maybe you’ll enjoy playing with the power of Polyphemus, smashing your opponents’ letter tiles to lower their value. Do you kind of enjoy rubbing your foes’ noses in your victory? Hamlet’s power actually includes adding insult to injury when you know your word is better than the one they just played!

Or are you more like me, the defensive player who just wants to make beautiful words? Razor the Cyberpunk (shown above using her Hack and Spell power) allows you to pilfer choice letter tiles from your opponent, so you can build the biggest, most perfect word you can imagine!

And don’t forget Lex, whose smile never fades as he does what he loves most — Eat Your Words. His power helps keep you going in a tough spot, regaining health through syllabic snacking.

Bookworm Heroes also has special tiles that take the game to a whole new level:

The sapphire tile offers you a coin flip chance at spelling a second word using the letters from your original word. This is a very satisfying way to lay the proverbial smackdown.

You can choose to share your proudest plays on Facebook as you go:

I enjoy going the spelling bee route, using my word in a sentence.

And if you aren’t getting enough of a challenge from your friends, try starting a game with a random opponent! Anyone out there playing Bookworm Heroes may answer your call, and you will see how you measure up in the wide world of wordsmiths.

Finally, don’t forget to “like” the fan page on Facebook and learn how you might find fame as the Word of the Day!

Yep, that's me again. But like I said, I've had a head start. Now, I am competing with the whole world...so bring it on!

• Last week, our new hidden object game, Hidden Agenda, was #7 among all Facebook games in monthly active users. According to Inside Social Games, this is an increase of 173% since the game launched its open beta!

• Plus, Unigamesity reviewed Hidden Agenda, saying that it is the only game on Facebook that poses a real challenge to lovers of the hidden object genre.

• This past week, Plants vs. Zombies entered PS Vita’s Instant Game Collection. So, if you have a Vita and are a PS Plus member, go get your free PvZ!

• Kill Screen takes a look at touch-screen word games and why they are so popular among mobile gamers. In the article, they reference Bookworm as a popular example, as well as quoting our very own Jeff Green!

Zombie from Plants vs. Zombies

Zombie already say Zombie not make resolutions but Zombie editor getting all fussy so Zombie going to make exception just this one time. ‘K, you know how Plants vs. Zombies 2 is coming out in 2013? You know that right? How does you not know that. Oh, wait. Now you know that. Okay, anyways, where was Zombie… Oh, right. In 2013 Plants vs. Zombies 2 is coming out and Zombie resolve to win this time. You has been warned.

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Lex from Bookworm

I will endeavor to further assay lexicological phenomena in my continual undertaking to expand my already Brobdingnagian personal word-hoard. In this, I am resolute.

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The Frog from Zuma

My resolution is to keep my cool when in Hot Frog mode. Seriously, no more panicking and wasting those shots when I could be clearing the curve for major points!

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Tula from Peggle

I will give more blooming flowers and magical flowering rainbows of budding extremeness to the world. And get more shimmer lip gloss. And some really good eye drops. And eat a few bear claws now and again.

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Buckethead Gnome from Hammer Heads

I resolve to get out of my hole with my bucket intact, and to remember not to remove my bucket so often (as it leads to headaches). Also, I plan to begin and chair the “Jeff Green for Gnome President” committee, as he really seems to want to take the battle for gnome rights to the people of the world.

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Walter the Penguin from Insaniquarium

2013 is the year I will overcome my pugilistic nature.*

*Totally not. But I was asked to like, set a better example and stuff. Come on, I’m a penguin! I have wings but can’t fly, and everyone thinks I’m sooo cute and cuddly. Plus, my name is Walter, and every time I’m introduced to someone new, their eyes light up, and they yell, “Waaalllt!” and then look at me eagerly for approval. Yeah, I’ve seen Lost, the kid had the same name, I get it. Tell me you wouldn’t wanna punch someone from time to time. Except, um, don’t.  Because it’s only funny when penguins do it. And kangaroos. And Malcolm Reynolds.

For iPad or iPhone: Plants vs. Zombies and Bookworm are just 99 cents each! And Vacation Quest – The Hawaiian Islands is just $2.99 for your iPad.  Now through January 3 at the iTunes store.

For Android: Plants vs. Zombies for less than one dollar — now through January 2 at Google Play.

For Kindle:  PvZ for 99 cents! Sale starts December 26 and goes through January 2 at Amazon.com.

But as I lift the imaginary crown from its invisible pillow, I can only place it on one virtual head. And that head is Lynn’s.

So join me, dear readers, as we raise our voices to the sky and sing the praises of Lynn and her caption. Let it be known from this day forward that Lynn is, forever and always, our September Caption Contest Winner! Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah!

Oh, here’s Lynn’s caption. And thanks to each and every one of you who participated in some way. You are the bee’s proverbial knees.

You’re not getting off the hook so don’t even think about worming out of it!

Take a gander at the illustration below (once again provided by the talented hand and fevered mind of our own Nate Simpson) and add your caption in the comments. We’ll pick our three favorites later this week and then put the finalists up for a vote. Democracy in action!

Have at it.