It’s time for the fantastic seventh edition of Rejected Game Ideas! If you’ve missed the other six, then friend, I pity you. But not too much, cause you can go back and read them all and have your life change from the sad thing it is today into a life of happiness, laughter, amazement and – did I say laughter? Well, that’s what it’ll be after you read about the most awesome games that never were, and maybe never even considered as real games (though between you and me, they should be; maybe; maybe not). But remember: these are solely for fun purposes, and fun porpoises, only. And also remember, as Fleet Captain Curtis once said, “Please don’t steal. Or, if you do, steal well.” With that, here are the finest rejected game ideas ever thought of by man, woman or beast.
Table Full of Eggs
Eggs. Eggs. EGGS! And one table.
Mustache Comb Carnival
It’s a saga of hirsute hilarity as you progress along a map of classic rides – with hairy twists. From the Handlebar Hurricane to Muttonchop Matterhorn, can you make it through with combs intact?
The Devious Designs of Dr. Tangler
A dance/adventure game mingling modern torture horror movies with buck-and-wing moves, you’ll have to kick up those heels or have them sliced right off by the world’s cruelest choreographer.
Don’t Be Crewel
The world’s top educational game designed to help kids learn embroidery, fencing and Latin, all at once (also contains a strong anti-bullying undertone).
Ducks With Four Wings
A gang of dangerous drakes threatens to pull the pond into ruin. Only you and your band of ruffled vigilantes have a chance of cleaning up in this hack-and-feather hit.