Tip 1: Rocks
Rocks may not seem like much — they just sit around and lamet lanmet mope about not being bigger. But rocks can gussy up any garden with artful placement. Especially if placement involves climbing ladder and dropping rocks straight onto stupid flowers.

Tip 2: Salt
You got to be kidding, zombie, says you. But no, I don’t kid, says zombie! Salt is delishus on just about any type of brain, and eating delishus brains when they salty and even more delishus makes any garden more toler tolerbl okay.

Tip 4: Asparagus Stinks
Alive peepuls once said asparagus is delishus. Other alive peepuls say it’s just ditch weed. I say the second group of victims peepuls is right, and also it is stinky ditch weed. You will get to know asparagus more very soon (catch my hint hint?) so I don’t think you also need to plant stinky plantz in beautiful rock patch.

Tip 4: Garden Party
After yore garden is pretty and you are tired from hard work, invite friendz over for party this Saturday, 7:00 oclock. Friendz are new thing this year for Zombie — alive peepuls sending me to lots of friendz houses lately, but no garden party yet. Anyhoo, garden party after planting work should be grand and include special beve berv drinks and horse durves. Be sure to put big sign out for party and keep gate unlocked.

I hope you enjoy theez tips. Now go make best garden ever.

Love,

Zombie

Need more gardening tips, or advice for perfecting any other part of your life?
Help Zombie help you.
Send your question to ZombieAdvice (at) PopCap.com

Submit your captions in the comments below!

The reason for my poor record is that, like the Marlins, I lack the talent and strategy to beat my opponents. Unlike the Marlins, however, there is nothing for me to do about the “talent” part. The Marlins could spend a ton of money to buy better players. Me? No amount of money is going to make me any smarter. I’m stuck with my own stupidity. But I can get better at the strategy of Bookworm Heroes. And the game does have tons of strategy. Which is why, even while I’m sucking at it, I’m having so much fun.

So since I’ve just spent two paragraphs emphasizing my lack of skill at the game, I am now not going to offer my tips to you. The only tip I really have is “don’t listen to tips from me.” This will at least ensure you don’t get slaughtered.

What I can do, however, is provide you with a rundown of the game’s heroes — who they are, and what they’re good for. Because it’s right there in the title of the game. This isn’t just about being good at Bookworm. It’s about knowing who the heroes are, how to use them, what their signature tiles and ultimate skills are, and when to use each. If I’d only read something like what I’m about to write before playing my first game, I might have sucked like .00001 percent less. Here’s hoping it does the same for you.

(And by the way, if you haven’t played the game since launch, you should know that we now feature a different hero for free each week, and you can also buy each hero permanently for a one-time cost, which I’ll list below.)

LEX (25,000 coins)

The hero we all know and love. The star of every previous version of Bookworm. Lex’s signature tile is the Apple Tile. This tile, when used in a word, will replenish a little bit of your health. Lex’s ultimate skill is also health related, granting you bonus health for each 3 or 4 letter word you create. Needless to say, Lex is best for defensive players. You get no extra attack bonuses with him but you will have a much better chance of hanging in longer — and making your opponent have to fight harder to win.

HAMLET  (60,000 coins)

Alas poor Hamlet! First he’s haunted by his own father, now he’s stuck making words forever in a video game. He gets his revenge, though. For one, his signature tile is the Inky Tile, in which he sprays random tiles on your opponent’s board with ink, rendering them unusable for one turn. Though this isn’t a huge deal at the beginning of the game, it can be crucial at the end, especially in a close game when every point (and letter) matters. Hamlet’s ultimate skill, fittingly enough for English lit nerds, is called Sweet Revenge, which, when used wisely, can strike your opponent as brutally as (spoiler alert!) Claudius gets it in the end. With Sweet Revenge, you are challenged to spell a word with a higher point count than your opponent played on his last turn. Do so, and those points of his are added to yours for a devastating attack. Great for those with big vocabularies or cheaters using a dictionary.

RAZOR  (90,000 coins)

Like Keanu Reeves, Razor can, like, totally hack into the Matrix (that is, your opponent’s board) for brutal attacks. She’s also purple, just to be extra cool. Razor’s signature tile is the Cyber Tile, which grants huge point bonuses for shorter words. The catch, however, is that those tiles cannot be used at all in words longer than 5 letters.  This is great if you’re like me, or Keanu, and tend to not use words longer than, say, “whoa” on a daily basis. Razor’s ultimate skill is Hack & Spell, which not only lets you make longer words, but also lets you do it with tiles stolen from your opponent’s board. My personal favorite of all the hero skills, Hack & Spell can often be the single strongest offensive attack in the game, especially when used in conjunction with special tiles.

POLYPHEMUS (60,000 coins)

If you know what this name is referencing, then congratulations, you are a somewhat educated person. Me? I had to look it up on Wikipedia. Apparently, Polyphemus was the one-eyed son of Poseidon and Thoosa, and also the big cyclops that Odysseus meets in Homer’s Odyssey. It’s kind of a bummer to me that I didn’t remember this, given that I took a semester class specifically on that book, but, hey, whaddya gonna do? I was probably playing pinball during most of those lectures. In any case, here in this game, Polyphemus is also kind of a beast. His signature tile is the Smashed Tile, in which he pounds on your opponent’s tiles, lowering their point value. Polyphemus will keep doing this throughout the game, rendering your opponent’s board a wasteland of lower point values, making it much harder to score high-point words. Likewise, his ultimate skill is Tile Driver, which will smash tiles and lower their value four times in a row, possibly crushing tiles down to zero, exploding them and smashing adjacent tiles. Overall, a great hero to use against those with big vocabularies.

This is a mere overview of the heroes. This is not enough to grant you a victory, for which I am sorry. What you also need to know is which hero to counter with when you’ve been challenged, as well as which pet to pick to effectively tag team. These are subjects for another day, written by another person. But I do hope that even this superficial overview helps you understand one of the game’s fundamentals. Bookworm Heroes is more complex than it looks. The more you dive in, the better you’ll get. But knowing the heroes is important! Don’t just pick Lex every time because he’s cute. Cute only gets you so far in life. Believe me, I found that out the hard way.

And for those of you who enjoy using your stockpile of coins for powerful Pets, Bookworm Heroes has a new Pet! Peggy is a precious little pony who loves precious things. She uses all that preciousness to enchant letters and turn them valuable gem tiles. Next time you play, try adding Peggy and see how she can help you whomp your precious little enemies.

Okay, so that’s two more reasons to go play Bookworm Heroes. Go try it today. And stay tuned to the Blog Ride for some fun profiles of all the Bookworm Heroes characters!

I have, as of late, grown increasingly bored. I’ve been making stuffed animals with felt but am fresh out of ideas! What do you think that I should make? Or should I just do something completely different, like draw or read or something?

What do you do when you’re bored? Or is eating brains such an entertaining occupation that you’re not concerned with how you spend your time?

Hoping for an answer,

Joy P.

P.S. Which do you hate more, pea shooters or cherry bombs?

Dear Joypi,

Maybe you wanna try making stuffed animals out of other things. Banana peels, small rocks, paper bags, French horns… that sort of thing. Don’t limit yourself. Why not draw and read and … something. Eel fighting, wolverine manicurist, floral dentistry… or, y’know, whatevs. Maybe just read a real boring book and then all that other stuff gonna seem exciting again.

Zombie not really have time to get bored. Besides, you would be surprised how many different ways people go “AAIIEEE!” when they see Zombie coming. It never get old.

yrs,
Zombie

P.S. They are both jerks.

____________________________________________________________

Dear Zombie,

I almost had my brains eaten, but I decided to show the zombie the closest people who had Undefended lawns, and they were happy. I decided to make peace with them by showing them other people’s brains. Anyway, you guys are mostly happy with me ever since I gave you brains and changed my cruel, plant friendly ways. I decided to eat plants for zombies so they didn’t have to eat them, and Those pea shooters can’t hurt me. Are my brains still at risk?

Hunter (of brains)

Dear Hunter,

Are your brains still at risk? In a word: totally. Nobody likes a suck-up.

yrs,
Zombie

____________________________________________________________

Hey! Speaking of suck-ups!

Dyr Zombie,

Zombi myght cal Vampire stupid, but do difrent brans typs tast beter than othyrs? Sometims king blood tastes beter than dyrty pesent blood. Dysgustyng!

Yrs,
Vampire

Dear Vampire,

How many times Zombie has to tell you? Do not bother Zombie at work! But since you and Zombie am here, Zombie have a question for you? Why Vampire such a snob? This is you, “Ooh, I am all fancy and not want to drink yucky poor peepul blood. What will the Dowager Countess say? Oh heavens, I seem to have come all over with the vapors! (faints)” You only eat one thing, dude. You cannot afford to get all choosy.

Now get back up your tree.

yrs,
Zombie

____________________________________________________________

Dear Zombie,
Hello, my name is Lynn and I am quite impressed that you know how to use the computer! Tell me, how did you learn to use the computer? Was it easy or hard with your brainless head? I’m not being rude or anything, but I’m curious and one more thing, I think you should eat meat. :p
Yours sincerely,
Lynn

Dear Lynn,

Zombie will decide who is being rude and who isn’t. Anyway, Zombie just take “How to Internet” course from Video Professor and rest is easy! HAHAHAHAH! Just kiddings. Zombie not fall for that. Anyway, Zombie got one of them Gateway jobbies. The box looks like a cow! It have everything a zombie need.

In spare time Zombie trying to build old-timey Difference Engine but all them Steampunk kids keep buying gears and junk to glue to their outfits.

Zombie should eat meat? What you thingk brains is?

yrs,
Zombie

____________________________________________________________

Dear Zombie,

Hungry, too, I reckon

Sloee1

Dear Somebody Who Is Clearly Trying to Avoid a Reading Assignment,

Zombie rest a while and go on. Zombie ain’t afeared of the dark.

Now get back to work. Huckleberry not going to read himself.

yrs,
Zombie
____________________________________________________________

Hey there, Zombie guy,
Swinging down the street so fancy free.
Nobody you meet could ever see
The loneliness there inside you.

Help Zombie help you.
Send your question to ZombieAdvice (at) PopCap.com

Take a look at all of the cards below and click on each link or image to download and print.

Mother’s Day cards for Bejeweled Blitz and Bejeweled.

Mother’s Day cards for Plants vs. Zombies and Solitaire Blitz.

Mother’s Day cards for Zuma Blitz and PopCap.

Folding instructions: fold in half, then fold in half again. Don’t forget to sign it!

Back-to-Back Bananas II: Bananas are Back!
In this sequel to the most popular fruit game ever, it’s up to you to place those wacky yellow animated ‘nanas together. But watch out: Harpo’s here again, too, and this time he has a giant tuba in his jacket!

Misreading the Classics
Can you spot the misquoted classic quote before the cudgel of Chaucer or the shillelagh of Sartre crushes your new pen-and-ink set?

Dungeon Ducks
Let the battle of the bills begin! It’s Mallards vs. Mergansers in a strategic mythological melee.

Badger Sack
So, so many badgers. And only one sack.

My First Moustache
Navigate your 14-year-old hero through a maze of Chevron, Dali, Pencil, Freestyle, Toothbrush, Fu Manchu, Handlebar, Horseshoe, Imperial, and more moustaches.

Handroid
Thanks to the magic of Spacestar Ordering, you’ve found yourself with what you most wanted: a robot hand.

Similarly Invisible
Join the quest! Put together the clues as you try to find your match in this social-mobile sensation where nothing is on screen and there are no clues!

Pompous Ringleader
It’s a circus of the narcissistic stars in this struggle of the un-humble. Who will end up with the magic elephant? Only those who play in a most smarmy manner.

Shiny Jackhammer
Whack-a-mole meets Mrs. Doubtfire in this battle to rout the rodents without ever getting dust on your hammer.

Granageddon
It’s a demon in a wig, and it’s after your neighborhood with a bunch of blue-haired fiends in tow. You’ll have to enter the crunch without losing your knitting needles in this action-strategy hit for all ages from 6 to 86.

Naïve Garbage Man
Match the rubbish with the proper bin or your screen starts to smell (warning: experimental technology involved).

Ben-Hurricane
It’s a tic-tac-toe triumph with twisters versus Centurions and every space strategically important. But some, honestly, more important than others.

Dr. Kuhulu and the Mystic Mystery of Madness Manor: An Unexpected Journey to the Land that Time Forgot
Can you travel the back roads to unravel the cryptic clues in time to get away from the tyrannosaurus before the manor crumbles under the ancient gypsy curse?

The Secrets of Smith
The game that made the Internet cry. Tears of sweet, sweet joy. Then some of sadness. Then a few more of joy.

Teefies Go Ouch!
The evil Dr. D.K. (who calls himself a “Dr.” though he only has a Master’s degree) is out to spray his cavity ray at every pearly white in sight. Only you can smear enough chocolate on to save the day in this backwards world.

Sainted Showdown IV
Nicholas the Mystic vs. James the Lesser: Pick your saint. Pick your weapon. The robe-off is on again!

Quelle Surprise Suppertime
Play the edible game that inspired the hit song: “What’s under that plate cover, today, what’s under that plate cover, today, it could be chick-en mole, it could be a potato croquet, it could be a chocolate parfait, what’s under that plate cover, today.”

Dictatortots IV: Pommes Presidenté
The game of potato conquest that’s won six “Spuddies” already is back with a European campaign that’s sure to butter your brains.

Deathray of Sunshine
It’s race day at the Deathray track, and the competition is on with six other sunshine vehicles for the Cup of Doom – but be sure you make it to the finish line without falling into any rain traps.

Scrapple Deluxe
May include possum.

Don’t Offend Australia
The international*** game of dart diplomacy pits your throwing prowess against all comers.

Indifferent Penguin
What can you do to make that wobbly penguin care enough about you to smile? I’d start by blasting away the mean ol’ ice monsters with your hot chocolate ray and then double dose them with your marshmallow mallets. But that’s just me.

*As Curtis once said, “Please don’t steal. Or, if you do, steal well.”

**Hey, these aren’t real games. But if you want to pretend they are, and talk about them to your friends on FriendFace, or whatever social thing you do, well, okay. We dig you.

***Only available in English.