I’ll start again.

So, as a follow up to my post of last week, in which I introduced all of the heroes in Bookworm Heroes, this week I want to focus my extremely nearsighted, Mr Magoo-like eyes on the game’s pets. Like the heroes, pets will provide a nice power-up for you when they are charged up — with each pet offering a unique power. Unlike heroes, however, pets are entirely optional, and cost 750 coins per game. While you can, of course, choose not to buy a pet, the added boost can be crucial in a close game, and provide a nice handicap should you be playing one of those annoying people who are better than you.

Lucy the Berserk Bat

Lucy restores health based on your next word’s score–the higher the score, the more health regained. Lucy can be a lifesaver near the game’s end, giving you much needed health back if you’re on the verge of defeat.  Pairing Lucy with Lex gives you a strong, defense-oriented combo against tough opponents.

Vonnie the Frosty Feline

Vonnie, along with being saddled by an odd name, encases an enemy’s tile in ice for two turns, rendering that tile totally unusable. This will work even on your opponent’s special, high-scoring tiles, so be sure to save it for those, as it will guarantee maximum frustration.

Wiley the Picky Piglet

Like that other resourceful pig, Charlotte, Wiley is talented enough that we’ve let him live rather than serve as tomorrow’s bacon. Mmmmm, bacon.  Wiley can change a letter on any tile except diamonds. On its own not particularly exciting, but this can be extremely useful if you’re just one letter shy from that awesome giant word you’d otherwise be able to make.

Peggy the Precious Pony

Peggy, whom we strongly encourage you not to associate with any other brand of Little Pony, enchants any tile you tap, thus turning it into gem tile. A powerful, offensive pet that can help turn even a mediocre word like “burger” (mmmm, burger) into a massive blast of awesome.  Used with a letter like X or Z, you’re guaranteed to turn your opponent into a thumb-sucking emotional wreck, curled up in the fetal position and calling for mommy.

Harry the Pecuniary Porcupine

Harry is the first pet we’ve added to the original menagerie, and he is purchasable for $1.99. (That is real-life currency, not BookwormBuckz.). What do you get for your money? More money. That’s capitalism for ya, comrade!  Harry gives you 4x coins (the not-real-life kind) for whatever you earn on your next word.  Not so much a strategy against your opponent as a way for hoarders and investor-types to increase their coin balance, which might be useful in the next recession, for which my dad says we always need to be ready, especially with politicians being the way they are these days and the fact that our infrastructure is totally crumbling and most kids today are so obsessed with taking selfies on their whaddyacallum smartphones that they can’t even be bothered to notice they don’t have a career yet and are another reason this country is going down the toilet.

Knock knock!

Who’s there?

India

India who?

India-vent you don’t pack a sandwich, we can pick up tacos!

Good, right?

Felicia Felix-Mentor

Dear Mrs. Huxtable,

See, how this thing work is, you aks Zombie a thing and then Zombie answer that thing. Zombie not really know what to do with this one because you already answered. Do you even need Zombie here? Anyway, tacos is more of a peepul thing and not a zombie thing. Oh, unless youse is talking about tacos de sesos. Then Zombie totally on board with that. Extra sesos, hold the tacos.

Also too as well in addition, here is Zombie favorite knock-knock joke:

Knock knock!

Come in!

yrs,
Zombie

____________________________________________________________

Dear Zombie-

I was thinking of visiting the mummies of Ferentillo this summer, and it made me wonder – how do you feel about mummies? What about ghouls? Spectres? Wraiths? Are there undead parties? And if so, what music is played? And what shoes do you wear?

Curiously,
William Beckford’s Nephew

Dear Sir Peter,

Zombie dig mummies (tee hee, Zombie made a funny). Akchually, Zombie lurnt a lot of what Zombie know from mummies. Zombie can not say much about mummy fashion sense, but when chips are down, you gonna want a mummy in your corner. Also, Zombie not know what “when chips are down” means. Zombie pretty sure Zombie fall in to ‘ghoul’ classification so it probly comflict of interest to say too much about that (Ghouls Rule!). Also, Zombie not care about comflict of interest. Spectres are a little mopey, if you want to know the truth. They make pretty good punch, so they always get invites to undead parties but spend a lot of time just standing in corner being all “boo hoo, I am a spectre and not even that judgy one from the comic books.” AND YOU STAY AWAY FROM WRAITHS. Zombie have complimacated relationship with Wraiths and do not need you messing it up.

Man, are we still on this question?

As for music what play at undead parties (always shoes-optional, bee-tee-dub), if you guess “Monster Mash” then go outside and walk west until yer hat floats. There is usually rotating music reps risps duties for parties. Except Spectre lost music privileges after putting “Who Killed Mr. Moonlight?” on repeat and wouldn’t let nobody near the boom box. Talk about a downer. Note: a little Bauhaus go a long, long (long) way. Where was Zombie… oh, right, music. Two words: Yma Sumac.

yrs,
Zombie

____________________________________________________________

Akaw!

Do you ever go surfing or are you a beach leech? If you’re a choka surfer, what would be the top ten surfing beaches you’d visit if you wanted to avoid swallowing the chowder but don’t mind getting in the soup?

Dude,
Dude

Dude,

Zombie not speak yer moon language. But Zombie not a quitter so maybe can figure this out. Zombie not really into the whole beach scene, except that sometimes Zombie can find sleepy people, covered in oil just lying around. It kind of like a buffet, so there is that. Zombie have never choked a surfer before but is not against it in theory. As for beaches to visit, Zombie always want to see Chowpatty Beach in Mumbai for it’s beautiful sands or the beach at Blackpool (England) for the friendly locals, but for obvious reasons (to Zombie and anybody what speak Spanish or not speak Spanish but what can use Google Translate and then not be disappointed in Google Translate because it doesn’t work)  Zombie number one beach is Playa Zipolite in Mexico. Go ask Jeeves.

yrs,
Zombie
___________________________________________________________

Р~!

ҼȄӽ ҆퇑 xǀ ˷u帱q侾
ٵ順X, ĭX, ‘XX : ҼȄӽ =ǏŴٰ�頱ŇϽÁҿ
ٵ 灶, Ųĉ: ĉ Ÿ Ǐ頿؁��ȇρ��ʀ俼

Ƕ݀μBR

Listen Terence,

That not how it went down. At all. Get the story straight before you open your word hole.

yrs,
Zombie

___________________________________________________________

Hey Zombie,

I have trouble doing division. Like in the question 7 divide by 5. Do you have a brain to do it?

Sabeen

Hey Sabeen,

Do words “Texas Instruments” mean nothing to you? 7 divided by 5 is 1.4. You want Zombie should get all cosine up in here? Bring it.

yrs,
Zombie
____________________________________________________________

Zombie owes guy named Rob an apology. Sorry Rob.
As for the rest of you, you have problems what only Zombie can fix.
Write to ZombieAdvice(at)PopCap.com.

Before it is too late.

Congratulations to Wendy G., the winner of this month’s caption contest!

Thank you all for another month of fun!  And remember, when you play a record backwards, always wear headphones (not because you get better results or anything, but because no one around you wants to hear that cacophony).  Oh, and don’t do slugs.

PvZ Adventures is an ever-expanding world with new ways to play PvZ. What does that mean? It means now zombies go off the grid — they won’t just take straight lines to get your brains, they’ll take any zig-zagging way possible. It’s up to you to stop them. And it’s not just your yard you’re fighting in… it’s all of Big Zombie Country! In town, you’ll need to grow plants, defend your turf, take back the town from the zombies and build up what the zombies have un-built. Then, you’ll head out to the country on a zombie-zapping Road Trip with new worlds, new zombies and many ridiculous things.

Since it’s on Facebook, we made sure there are lots of ways to interact with your friends. Send a zombie to invade their town. Send a nice gift just to be nice. Or, just see how your stack of zombies ranks on the leaderboards.

There’s a ton of stuff to do, many sights to see, and lots of fun to find in PvZ Adventures. I could keep writing about it, but this is the point where I tell you to watch the game trailer and go play. So: watch the video, share with your friends, then go play!

Oh, and click the button at the end of the video and you’ll get 250 free coins to get started.

We hope you love the new game!

Reluctant Editor’s Note: For those of you who’ve read this far and are wondering: “Is this PvZ 2?” No, it’s not… that game is coming very soon! But, instead of sitting around waiting and asking for that, go get your zombie-zapping fix on Facebook. Yes, really.

Tip 1: Rocks
Rocks may not seem like much — they just sit around and lamet lanmet mope about not being bigger. But rocks can gussy up any garden with artful placement. Especially if placement involves climbing ladder and dropping rocks straight onto stupid flowers.

Tip 2: Salt
You got to be kidding, zombie, says you. But no, I don’t kid, says zombie! Salt is delishus on just about any type of brain, and eating delishus brains when they salty and even more delishus makes any garden more toler tolerbl okay.

Tip 4: Asparagus Stinks
Alive peepuls once said asparagus is delishus. Other alive peepuls say it’s just ditch weed. I say the second group of victims peepuls is right, and also it is stinky ditch weed. You will get to know asparagus more very soon (catch my hint hint?) so I don’t think you also need to plant stinky plantz in beautiful rock patch.

Tip 4: Garden Party
After yore garden is pretty and you are tired from hard work, invite friendz over for party this Saturday, 7:00 oclock. Friendz are new thing this year for Zombie — alive peepuls sending me to lots of friendz houses lately, but no garden party yet. Anyhoo, garden party after planting work should be grand and include special beve berv drinks and horse durves. Be sure to put big sign out for party and keep gate unlocked.

I hope you enjoy theez tips. Now go make best garden ever.

Love,

Zombie

Need more gardening tips, or advice for perfecting any other part of your life?
Help Zombie help you.
Send your question to ZombieAdvice (at) PopCap.com

Submit your captions in the comments below!

The reason for my poor record is that, like the Marlins, I lack the talent and strategy to beat my opponents. Unlike the Marlins, however, there is nothing for me to do about the “talent” part. The Marlins could spend a ton of money to buy better players. Me? No amount of money is going to make me any smarter. I’m stuck with my own stupidity. But I can get better at the strategy of Bookworm Heroes. And the game does have tons of strategy. Which is why, even while I’m sucking at it, I’m having so much fun.

So since I’ve just spent two paragraphs emphasizing my lack of skill at the game, I am now not going to offer my tips to you. The only tip I really have is “don’t listen to tips from me.” This will at least ensure you don’t get slaughtered.

What I can do, however, is provide you with a rundown of the game’s heroes — who they are, and what they’re good for. Because it’s right there in the title of the game. This isn’t just about being good at Bookworm. It’s about knowing who the heroes are, how to use them, what their signature tiles and ultimate skills are, and when to use each. If I’d only read something like what I’m about to write before playing my first game, I might have sucked like .00001 percent less. Here’s hoping it does the same for you.

(And by the way, if you haven’t played the game since launch, you should know that we now feature a different hero for free each week, and you can also buy each hero permanently for a one-time cost, which I’ll list below.)

LEX (25,000 coins)

The hero we all know and love. The star of every previous version of Bookworm. Lex’s signature tile is the Apple Tile. This tile, when used in a word, will replenish a little bit of your health. Lex’s ultimate skill is also health related, granting you bonus health for each 3 or 4 letter word you create. Needless to say, Lex is best for defensive players. You get no extra attack bonuses with him but you will have a much better chance of hanging in longer — and making your opponent have to fight harder to win.

HAMLET  (60,000 coins)

Alas poor Hamlet! First he’s haunted by his own father, now he’s stuck making words forever in a video game. He gets his revenge, though. For one, his signature tile is the Inky Tile, in which he sprays random tiles on your opponent’s board with ink, rendering them unusable for one turn. Though this isn’t a huge deal at the beginning of the game, it can be crucial at the end, especially in a close game when every point (and letter) matters. Hamlet’s ultimate skill, fittingly enough for English lit nerds, is called Sweet Revenge, which, when used wisely, can strike your opponent as brutally as (spoiler alert!) Claudius gets it in the end. With Sweet Revenge, you are challenged to spell a word with a higher point count than your opponent played on his last turn. Do so, and those points of his are added to yours for a devastating attack. Great for those with big vocabularies or cheaters using a dictionary.

RAZOR  (90,000 coins)

Like Keanu Reeves, Razor can, like, totally hack into the Matrix (that is, your opponent’s board) for brutal attacks. She’s also purple, just to be extra cool. Razor’s signature tile is the Cyber Tile, which grants huge point bonuses for shorter words. The catch, however, is that those tiles cannot be used at all in words longer than 5 letters.  This is great if you’re like me, or Keanu, and tend to not use words longer than, say, “whoa” on a daily basis. Razor’s ultimate skill is Hack & Spell, which not only lets you make longer words, but also lets you do it with tiles stolen from your opponent’s board. My personal favorite of all the hero skills, Hack & Spell can often be the single strongest offensive attack in the game, especially when used in conjunction with special tiles.

POLYPHEMUS (60,000 coins)

If you know what this name is referencing, then congratulations, you are a somewhat educated person. Me? I had to look it up on Wikipedia. Apparently, Polyphemus was the one-eyed son of Poseidon and Thoosa, and also the big cyclops that Odysseus meets in Homer’s Odyssey. It’s kind of a bummer to me that I didn’t remember this, given that I took a semester class specifically on that book, but, hey, whaddya gonna do? I was probably playing pinball during most of those lectures. In any case, here in this game, Polyphemus is also kind of a beast. His signature tile is the Smashed Tile, in which he pounds on your opponent’s tiles, lowering their point value. Polyphemus will keep doing this throughout the game, rendering your opponent’s board a wasteland of lower point values, making it much harder to score high-point words. Likewise, his ultimate skill is Tile Driver, which will smash tiles and lower their value four times in a row, possibly crushing tiles down to zero, exploding them and smashing adjacent tiles. Overall, a great hero to use against those with big vocabularies.

This is a mere overview of the heroes. This is not enough to grant you a victory, for which I am sorry. What you also need to know is which hero to counter with when you’ve been challenged, as well as which pet to pick to effectively tag team. These are subjects for another day, written by another person. But I do hope that even this superficial overview helps you understand one of the game’s fundamentals. Bookworm Heroes is more complex than it looks. The more you dive in, the better you’ll get. But knowing the heroes is important! Don’t just pick Lex every time because he’s cute. Cute only gets you so far in life. Believe me, I found that out the hard way.

And for those of you who enjoy using your stockpile of coins for powerful Pets, Bookworm Heroes has a new Pet! Peggy is a precious little pony who loves precious things. She uses all that preciousness to enchant letters and turn them valuable gem tiles. Next time you play, try adding Peggy and see how she can help you whomp your precious little enemies.

Okay, so that’s two more reasons to go play Bookworm Heroes. Go try it today. And stay tuned to the Blog Ride for some fun profiles of all the Bookworm Heroes characters!