Thanks to the blog team for inviting me to be the guest blogger this week. I wasn’t going to mention the fact that this will be the very first blog post I’ve ever written in my life to them, but hopefully I have a few readers out there besides just my mother (Hi Mom!).

Some of these video game characters may be familiar to you, but hopefully you’ll meet someone new today and try a game you’ve never played. Read on and use the comments at the bottom to share YOUR favorite video game characters. We want to know these things about you too!

Sackboy/girl

The character that you can literally make into whatever character your big heart desires! Little Big Planet was the first game I bought for my PS3 and my very first experience playing a game with friends who live in other parts of the world. We were chatting, helping each other get through levels, and showing off our cute Sackboys and Sackgirls. It’s easy to customize your Sackthing with the hundreds of virtual costume pieces and stickers you receive from Story Mode (or you can purchase familiar game character costumes from the PSN Store). Sometimes I get so carried away with all of the decorating that I forget to actually play the game! I am hooked on Media Molecule‘s LBP, LBP 2 and LBP Karting, and I can’t wait to see what characters this game studio comes up with next.

Lara Croft

Playing Tomb Raider as Lara Croft was my first experience playing a video game as a female character. This was a pretty epic moment for a girl who has been playing video games since 1985 as male characters. When PlayStation launched, Tomb Raider was the first game I played, and my friend and I literally watched the sun set and then rise the next day playing this game. Lara Croft represents that strong, independent, intelligent and gorgeous woman that I think some of us women would love to be a little more like. She was absolutely inspiring for me as a teenage gamer starting to think about who might be behind this character, creating the art & story, and what it must be like to work in this industry.

God-Cat

If you haven’t played Battle Cats yet, it’s a free application for both iOS & Android users and perfect for any cat-ladies out there like me (or anyone, considering I learned of this app from all of the guys on my team who couldn’t stop playing it themselves. I’m pretty sure they aren’t cat-ladies)! I have logged in every single day since downloading this game in an attempt to add to my virtual kitty arsenal. God-Cat is always there in every battle just in case you run into trouble; you can call on him for a miracle. From the moment I laid my eyes on God-Cat, I have to admit I’ve had a little bit of a crush. You can’t deny the allure of that body, the cuteness of his face, and the handsome blue hair flowing in the battle breeze. Do you believe?

Oh, I believe, God-Cat!

Triple Town Bears

The video game character we love to hate! But they are so darn cute; even if their only goal is terrorizing the neighborhood, I can’t help but adore them. I play Triple Town on my iPhone, iPad, and on Facebook and never play in “Peaceful Valley” where there aren’t bears! The bears make this game for me, creating a challenge to keep those cuties contained and hopefully turn them into churches. Hallelujah! Remember the old days of Tetris, when you would close your eyes and that was all you could see or think about after playing for too long? That’s what these bears do to me… I start thinking in 3s everywhere I go, imagining random objects will turn into something else if they are sitting too close to two more of the same thing. I may not actually pull my car too close if there are only two cars sitting at a red light in front of me. You never know! My Triple Town Bear that I got from the Spry Fox team at PAX last year has prime real estate on my desk where I keep him away from your neighborhood. You’re welcome!

Sunflower

I have so many favorite PopCap characters, but this time we’ll leave Sophie, Bjorn and those cute ‘lil Chuzzles out of it. This is all about Sunflower. This character emits sun and lights up right before she spreads that sunshiny love. She is a requirement in Plants vs. Zombies day levels, as sunshine is your currency to buy plants with (Do I really need to explain this? If you don’t know, you should probably go out right away and get this game before Plants vs. Zombies 2 is released this summer!). Did you know she makes an appearance in more than just our lovable Plants vs. Zombies game? You can now find Sunflower on Facebook in PvZ Adventures and don’t forget to download Zen Studios: Pinball FX2 and grab the Plants vs. Zombies table launched last year. Sunflower is the star of this show (Co-Co-Co-COMBO!) and definitely worth a nudge! She always brings a smile to my face, hence my little collection of Sunflowers keeping my window sunny even on rainy Seattle days. Someday when she’s back in stock, this WILL be added to my collection from the PvZ Store!

Note: You’ll see that I tried my best to limit this list to characters whose names start with ‘L’…

Lemmings – Lemmings

Oh, Lemmings: I spent so many hours in the early 1990s guiding these guys around obstacles and toward safety. They were amazing little pixel people, and I like to think that they were a wonderful representation of the poor, weak, and downtrodden of the world—but, you know, a much more fun version. If you never met a Lemming—one from this game, that is—do yourself a favor and figure out a way to play the game. It will do good things for your soul.

Lex – Bookworm

The first time I played Bookworm, I liked it. The first time I played Bookworm Adventures, I LOVED it. I was fortunate enough to play early versions and see how the team built up the game and created all the “mythology” within it.

Really, if you’ve never paid much attention to this game, you should—and you should read every word, because it’s hilarious. And Lex represents all that is good and hilarious and fun about Bookworm Adventures. Because, well, he’s the Bookworm.

Link – The Legend of Zelda

Link was — especially in the early incarnations — just a regular kid in a fantasy world. But it was up to him to battle the evil forces throughout Hyrule to save Princess Zelda. He didn’t have clever dialogue or anything, so it had to be that I just connected with him on a basic level: sure, he gained powers as you progressed in the game, but in the beginning he was basically just a normal kid. For me, pretending I was Link was a much easier thing to do than pretend I was an Italian plumber… and probably because it seemed to me so much easier to screw things up in Zelda… so I was always connected to Zelda’s save-the-princess game more than Mario.

Left Paddle – Pong

Am I stretching the truth a bit? Why would I do that?

I don’t think this needs much explanation. Simply put: I was awesome from the left, and only mediocre from the right. And, also, thanks to A.J. for reminding me of this.

Listen: I care what you think about almost everything. But not this. You can argue for either paddle, if you like. But, as all the Democrats say: The left side is the best side. (Granted, they say that about things much less important than Pong.)

Awkward Transition:

The L train stops here. And, can you blame me? Well, probably…

Soda Popinski – Punch Out!!

I’m not proud of this. There’s no good way to justify loving a character that is so clearly playing up racial stereotypes — possibly one of the worst of all the characters in a game 1Up.com called the fourth most racist video game ever. I mean, it’s like Nintendo created Popinski based on an early draft of Drago from Rocky IV — the one they scrapped because he was too offensive, even during the Cold War.

But the truth is: everybody loves a villain. During the Cold War — even right up to the end when Punch-Out!! arrived — America especially loved a Russian villain.

Soda Popinski was magical to me. I thought he was the toughest character to defeat in the original Punch-Out!! I thought the way he did the Kozachok dance mid-fight and guzzled soda (was it soda, or something more distinctly Russian? His name was originally supposed to be Vodka Drunkenski) between rounds was hilarious. And each time I played through the game, my goal was always to reach him — then get really angry when he pummeled Mac.

Kong from Crazy Kong

Don’t be confused, or think I’m confused – I don’t mean the Kong from Donkey Kong, but the one from the very-close-to-but-not-a-copy arcade game Crazy Kong. See, in the Kwik Shop in Lindsborg, KS, in the mid-80s (yeah, I’m old, so what?) they had the Crazy, but not the Donkey. And that’s what I played and where I grew to have a strange kind of affection for the always angry and banging his feet around simian kidnapper. You might think I’d like Jumpman better, since he was my representation in the game, but nope, I liked the ape, even as he threw barrels at me. Partially this was due to Crazy Kong being slightly tighter in its gameplay, which meant that Jumpman always seemed to be letting me down. But really, a lot of it is just that I like apes. Fun fact: Crazy Kong was also called Monkey Donkey. Which is yet another reason why it’s better than Donkey Kong.

The Flying Ostrich from Joust

This may start to seem like I have an animal obsession, but c’mon, does anyone who was around for its heyday not love Joust? I mean, outside of bad people? You’re a knight on a flying ostrich, winging it from floating rock to floating rock while facing off against Bounder, Hunter, and Shadow Lord evil knights and wacky pterodactyls, with everything happening over a bubbling lake of lava. And when you defeat those evil knights they turn into eggs you can scoop up for points. The whole premise is genius. Genius. Why they don’t make games like this in the modern era (and I don’t mean imitations, but with the same twisted logic and imagination) is beyond me. Anyway, ever since I played the game way back when I’ve wanted a flying ostrich. And still do today.

Toad from Mario Kart

I played a lot of Mario Kart at one time, mostly on DS and Wii and mostly with my nephews who were too young to drive and still could defeat me soundly in Kart, which is the best driving game of all time (feel free to disagree — you’re wrong). You might guess that my continual losing in this way would be frustrating, but it wasn’t, for one reason only: Toad. As far as I can tell, Toad’s a diminutive nose-less being wearing a diaper, a vest lifted from the genie in Aladdin, some really cozy brown slippers, and of course a giant red and white mushroom headpiece that’s nearly as big as his body. Toad is perhaps the smile-iest video game character ever. Toad is always smiling, and his smile is contagious like a happy strain of bubonic plague. If you play as Toad, you realize that losing isn’t a big deal, and that what really matters is smiling. And mushrooms.

Dr. Strange from Marvel vs. Capcom

If you don’t know about Dr. Stephen Strange, he’s the sorcerer supreme of our dimension (and if anyone says different, that’s because they’ve been confused by poorly written and lame recent Marvel comics). You can learn more about his origin story, which is without a doubt the finest origin story ever, on a site run by an enigmatic genial guy named Neilalien, where you’ll also find out which Dr. Strange comics you should own. But mostly, know this: Dr. Strange is cool. From his wildly colorful threads (including his famous Cloak of Levitation, which inspired my own cloak wearing), to his always-on-target mustache, to his ability to make the most magical of hand gestures, to his effervescent attitude in the face of many-armed baddies from other planes that would make you and I faint instantly, the Doc operates on a plane of daily existence most of us can’t even dream about. That’s right – our dreams can’t even reach his level. Oh, and his manservant Wong also kicks ass while wearing pajamas, and his usual ladyfriend-from-another-dimension, Clea, is hot.

Cupid from Venice

Earlier, at the beginning of this post, I said I would leave off most PopCap characters. Here is where I break the rules. But it isn’t out of self-interest, instead, out of self-preservation. Cupid, the cupid from the awesomely Italian city-saving game Venice, seems all cuddly and helpful during the game. But if you look into his eyes, you’ll soon begin to understand that behind the little wings and smiles he’s a fierce, deadly, unearthly being. And I certainly didn’t want him after me. So, when he asked to be in this post, there was nothing I could do. Nothing. I mean, just look into his eyes:

Look into his eyes:

Look into his eyes!

And now play Venice – he wants you to.

Anyway, Jeff Green started this off a couple weeks ago with his top 5 video game characters, and now it’s my turn. So, leaving aside in-house favorites such as Zombie, Bjorn, and/or that guy from Pizza Frenzy, let us begin.

In no particular order:

LEGO Chewbacca
Being a man of a certain age, I love me some Star Wars. I also love LEGO. Then somebody put them together and, for a moment, I believed in an ordered universe. There is a lot to love about the LEGO video game franchises but I have a special fondness for LEGO Chewbacca from LEGO Star Wars II: The Original Trilogy (best not to try parsing that ridiculous name). It’s a little bit because when he puts on a Stormtrooper disguise, the helmets don’t fit so he wears them at a rakish angle and still fools Death Star security, but it’s mostly because when enemies get too close for him to use his bowcaster (a needlessly stylish weapon), good ol’ Chewie just rips their arms out of their sockets. Just like Han Solo warned C-3PO about when R2-D2 beat Chewie at Dejarik. And before I slide any further down the nerd hole, let’s move on.

The Ship from “Asteroids”
Asteroids is the second video game I ever played (after “Puppy Pong” – a pong game installed in a dog house in the waiting room of my dentist’s office). It remains one of the most frightening video game experiences ever. Who is piloting that ship? Why is it out there? Does it know it’s doomed? All it has are some finicky thrusters and a “hyperspace” button that it must know will eventually teleport it into the middle of an asteroid, but it’s out there. Fighting. Never resting. Just trying to live for a few more seconds. Why? WHY? Even as a young lad I was full of existential angst. Fight on little triangle… fight on.

Yoshi
Sometimes he’s a pack animal. Sometimes he rides a motorcycle. He has a tiny shell on his back and wears hiking boots. He’s just dang cute. And for my money, there can’t be too much of that in video games. I am less interested in “realistic” games (I get plenty of reality in reality) and would rather spend my time playing a game that gives an adorable middle finger to physics and just goes bananas for the sake of fun. Yoshi has a power set that is as fungible as it is mighty. You’d probably drive yourself mad trying to explain how any of it works. So just enjoy the cute and always ask yourself, WWYD? Yoshi! Yay!

Q*bert
Wikipedia says that “Q*bert is an isometric platform game with puzzle elements where the player controls the titular protagonist from a third-person perspective.” And that is why I never use Wikipedia for anything.

Anyway, not unlike Asteroids, Q*bert was an early video game treatise on the meaninglessness of existence. You find yourself in a strange place where nobody understands you. You have a job to do but are never told why. There are a lot of people out to get you – they hate you – but you never find out why. You just keep repeating and repeating and repeating the same task, while avoiding those who would do you harm and trying not to slip over the edge into the void. And what do you get for surviving long enough to complete your duties? You get to do the exact same thing all over again, but the next time it’s harder.

Dale Sveum
I wish I could remember exactly which iteration of Major League Baseball video game I first noticed him in. I played it a ton on my Nintendo 64 and poor ol’ Dale was always ALWAYS on the “available free agents” list. He was mixed in there early on with a bunch of other bench warmers but by mid-August he was all alone on the list. And I would almost always sign him because he seemed so lonely. And he was always terrible and I wondered why I signed him. And then Dale stopped showing up in video games and I started to see him in real life (meaning “on TV”) as a coach for the Red Sox and then the Brewers and then he became the manager of the Brewers and now he’s the manager for the Chicago Cubs. It’s actually a similar arc to Q*bert (‘keep working hard and the work will keep getting harder!’). Despite my early impressions of him, I think he’s done all right. And as he travels the country, managing one of the greatest baseball franchises in history, and I look out of my darkened cubicle into the bank parking lot across the street, I hope he knows he’ll always have a place in my heart.

In any event, such idle speculation led us to think about each compiling a list of our five favorite characters for posting here. Because, you know, blog topics are hard to come up with every single day, especially while you’re waiting for your own games to ship. So here is my list. I’m going to say up front that I did not include any PopCap characters, lest I be accused of bias, nor did I include a couple of obvious characters — Mario and Link — who really at this point are kind of at Lifetime Achievement status and for whom no further ink, or pixels, need to be spilled. I love them, you love them, we all love them, so now let’s move on.

My other bias, which the list will reveal in a moment, is that I’ve always been more of a PC guy than a console guy. So if you’re wondering why one of the pretty boys from the Final Fantasy games isn’t on this list, or Sonic, or whoever else, that’s why. This is my list. You can make your own and put them on there yourself rather than yell at me about it. Your yelling may make you feel better but it won’t change my list.

Now that that’s clear, I hope, here are my picks, in no real order because I’m wishy-washy that way:

Gordon Freeman (Half-Life series) — the mute, bespectacled protagonist of the greatest first-person shooter series of all time also happens to be the only character on this list (or in all of gaming) with a PhD in Theoretical Physics. Plus he wields a mean crowbar. What Freeman lacks in the personality department he more than makes up for in his looks – dorkus supremus — and uber-nerd credentials, which made him way closer to what actual gamers are like, rather than roided-out lunkheads like Duke Nukem. Besides, Freeman’s lack of dialog made him the perfect vehicle for us to inhabit, as we blasted our way through the nightmare of the Black Mesa facility. Gordon Freeman is us!

Guybrush Threepwood (Monkey Island series) — Representing the opposite end of the spectrum from Freeman is the inimitable Guybrush Threepwood, the would-be pirate of LucasArts’ brilliant Monkey Island adventure games, who is lacking in almost every department except in the verbal one. Guybrush’s “insult swordfighting” — in which he battles that game’s villains via witty repartee — is a highlight of the series, but even when just bumbling around from puzzle to puzzle, Guybrush’s steady stream of nonsense make these some of the funniest video games of all time. (And hats off to Purple Tentacle and Manny Calavera, who also could have occupied this spot. The LucasArts library of awesome adventure game characters is vast.)


Minsc (Baldur’s Gate series) — Of course, I can’t really give Minsc a spot here without giving a co-spot to his pet space hamster, Boo, without whom Minsc would be only half the awesome bald, tattooed berserker that he is. The obvious highlight of BioWare’s awesome Baldur’s Gate RPGs, Minsc brought plenty of LOL moments to these otherwise semi-serious fantasy games, with an endless stream of declaration, invective, and flat-out bizarre non sequiturs, usually issued in a loud bray even in the quietest of environments. “Go for the eyes, Boo!” will now and forever be my go-to battle cry.

HK-47 (Knights of the Old Republic) — I will totally confess without any fear of repercussions that I am not much of a Star Wars geek. I am old enough to have seen the very first film at the theater on Opening Day, so at least give me credit for that. But my lack of overall enthusiasm honestly does precede the abominations that were Episodes 1-3, which killed my interest forever. In the gaming world, however, there have been a number of stellar Star Wars titles, and if Knights of the Old Republic (again from BioWare) is not my favorite (that honor goes to Dark Forces), it does have one of my favorite characters of all time, HK-47, the assassin droid who referred to our species as “meatbags.”  As with Minsc, HK-47 livens up an otherwise semi-grim affair with nonstop hilarity — a sarcastic, mean, condescending robot who never fails to insult you and everyone else in the game at every given opportunity.

GlaDOS (Portal series) — And, finally, speaking of sarcastic, mean, condescending non-humans, there is GlaDOS (Genetic Lifeform and Disc Operating System), the unforgettable antagonist of Valve’s Portal games, who entices you through a series of ever-more-difficult and life-threatening puzzles at the Aperture Science research facility with the promise of cake, only to turn out (SPOILER ALERT) to be the most malevolent and insane AI this side of 2001′s HAL. Unlike Hal, however, the Portal writers play it entirely for laughs, and if there’s a more passive-aggressive character in all of gaming I don’t want to know her, because GlaDOS is like the worst girlfriend ever times one million. Plus, she was totally lying about the cake!