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The reason for my poor record is that, like the Marlins, I lack the talent and strategy to beat my opponents. Unlike the Marlins, however, there is nothing for me to do about the “talent” part. The Marlins could spend a ton of money to buy better players. Me? No amount of money is going to make me any smarter. I’m stuck with my own stupidity. But I can get better at the strategy of Bookworm Heroes. And the game does have tons of strategy. Which is why, even while I’m sucking at it, I’m having so much fun.

So since I’ve just spent two paragraphs emphasizing my lack of skill at the game, I am now not going to offer my tips to you. The only tip I really have is “don’t listen to tips from me.” This will at least ensure you don’t get slaughtered.

What I can do, however, is provide you with a rundown of the game’s heroes — who they are, and what they’re good for. Because it’s right there in the title of the game. This isn’t just about being good at Bookworm. It’s about knowing who the heroes are, how to use them, what their signature tiles and ultimate skills are, and when to use each. If I’d only read something like what I’m about to write before playing my first game, I might have sucked like .00001 percent less. Here’s hoping it does the same for you.

(And by the way, if you haven’t played the game since launch, you should know that we now feature a different hero for free each week, and you can also buy each hero permanently for a one-time cost, which I’ll list below.)

LEX (25,000 coins)

The hero we all know and love. The star of every previous version of Bookworm. Lex’s signature tile is the Apple Tile. This tile, when used in a word, will replenish a little bit of your health. Lex’s ultimate skill is also health related, granting you bonus health for each 3 or 4 letter word you create. Needless to say, Lex is best for defensive players. You get no extra attack bonuses with him but you will have a much better chance of hanging in longer — and making your opponent have to fight harder to win.

HAMLET  (60,000 coins)

Alas poor Hamlet! First he’s haunted by his own father, now he’s stuck making words forever in a video game. He gets his revenge, though. For one, his signature tile is the Inky Tile, in which he sprays random tiles on your opponent’s board with ink, rendering them unusable for one turn. Though this isn’t a huge deal at the beginning of the game, it can be crucial at the end, especially in a close game when every point (and letter) matters. Hamlet’s ultimate skill, fittingly enough for English lit nerds, is called Sweet Revenge, which, when used wisely, can strike your opponent as brutally as (spoiler alert!) Claudius gets it in the end. With Sweet Revenge, you are challenged to spell a word with a higher point count than your opponent played on his last turn. Do so, and those points of his are added to yours for a devastating attack. Great for those with big vocabularies or cheaters using a dictionary.

RAZOR  (90,000 coins)

Like Keanu Reeves, Razor can, like, totally hack into the Matrix (that is, your opponent’s board) for brutal attacks. She’s also purple, just to be extra cool. Razor’s signature tile is the Cyber Tile, which grants huge point bonuses for shorter words. The catch, however, is that those tiles cannot be used at all in words longer than 5 letters.  This is great if you’re like me, or Keanu, and tend to not use words longer than, say, “whoa” on a daily basis. Razor’s ultimate skill is Hack & Spell, which not only lets you make longer words, but also lets you do it with tiles stolen from your opponent’s board. My personal favorite of all the hero skills, Hack & Spell can often be the single strongest offensive attack in the game, especially when used in conjunction with special tiles.

POLYPHEMUS (60,000 coins)

If you know what this name is referencing, then congratulations, you are a somewhat educated person. Me? I had to look it up on Wikipedia. Apparently, Polyphemus was the one-eyed son of Poseidon and Thoosa, and also the big cyclops that Odysseus meets in Homer’s Odyssey. It’s kind of a bummer to me that I didn’t remember this, given that I took a semester class specifically on that book, but, hey, whaddya gonna do? I was probably playing pinball during most of those lectures. In any case, here in this game, Polyphemus is also kind of a beast. His signature tile is the Smashed Tile, in which he pounds on your opponent’s tiles, lowering their point value. Polyphemus will keep doing this throughout the game, rendering your opponent’s board a wasteland of lower point values, making it much harder to score high-point words. Likewise, his ultimate skill is Tile Driver, which will smash tiles and lower their value four times in a row, possibly crushing tiles down to zero, exploding them and smashing adjacent tiles. Overall, a great hero to use against those with big vocabularies.

This is a mere overview of the heroes. This is not enough to grant you a victory, for which I am sorry. What you also need to know is which hero to counter with when you’ve been challenged, as well as which pet to pick to effectively tag team. These are subjects for another day, written by another person. But I do hope that even this superficial overview helps you understand one of the game’s fundamentals. Bookworm Heroes is more complex than it looks. The more you dive in, the better you’ll get. But knowing the heroes is important! Don’t just pick Lex every time because he’s cute. Cute only gets you so far in life. Believe me, I found that out the hard way.

And for those of you who enjoy using your stockpile of coins for powerful Pets, Bookworm Heroes has a new Pet! Peggy is a precious little pony who loves precious things. She uses all that preciousness to enchant letters and turn them valuable gem tiles. Next time you play, try adding Peggy and see how she can help you whomp your precious little enemies.

Okay, so that’s two more reasons to go play Bookworm Heroes. Go try it today. And stay tuned to the Blog Ride for some fun profiles of all the Bookworm Heroes characters!

By Philip:

O, Bookworm Heroes

I describe thee in one word:

Pulchritudinous

I play Bookworm He-

roes because I love words but

I am bad at Hai

By Julie:

Spelling frenziedly

Whomping my friends right and left

That is too a word!

By Dana:

Hamlet v. Razor

Inks, spells PARAMECIUM

Cybertiles…RHEUM

By Jeff:

Heroes making words

Wait, Hamlet is no hero!

Something is rotten

This game is stupid

Because I lose ev’ry time

Can you spell I QUIT?

By Curtis:

Lex. Hamlet. Razor.

Which strong hero shall I choose?

A phone call? Ignore.

My opponent spells

A word. A feeble attempt.

Lucky? Lucky! Luck.

Oh, Lex, you whomper

of my heart, what have you done?

Hamlet is weeping.

By me:

How to spell awesome?

B – O – O – K – W – O – R

M! Can you dig it?

Bookworm Heroes launched last week, and Games.com didn’t waste any time coming up with cheats and tips for beating your friends in a word-fueled battle. Check them out to get the edge in your future linguistic endeavors!

Here is some of the awesome, splendid, superb, marvelous, stupendous, and magnificent Bookworm Heroes coverage (I may have gotten slightly carried away with the word theme…):

• 148 Apps
• Games.com
• Polygon
• Venture Beat
• App Advice

Not only did Games.com decide to expose the secrets to mastering Bookworm Heroes but they put together cheats and tips for Plants vs. Zombies as well.

And also on the Plants vs. Zombies front, last week PC World put together their list of “12 Great PC Games for Any Age,” and PvZ made the list! They say that, although “Fighting the undead with exotic flora may seem like an odd choice for all-ages gaming” the game is “a blast.”

Oh, and it’s also great for kids (the game’s rated for 9 years and up) — but only if you want your kids having fun while gaining word-building skills.

Now, enough reading (we’re sure, if you’re interested in a word game, you probably don’t care to read anyway). Here’s a video!

We hope you’ll go download the game and whomp a friend!

If you have an iPad, iPhone, or iPod touch, I won't be offended if you go straight to download the game instead of reading the rest of this post. If you don't have any of those devices, there's never been a better reason to buy one! Not exaggerating. Or overstating. Or engaging in hyperbole.

As you may imagine, the hard part about working at a magic rainbow and unicorn factory like PopCap is knowing something awesome and not being allowed to talk about it. For months, I’ve been sitting on this one, giddy about the fun that was about to spill forth into the world, counting the days until its release. So now, let me tell you how you’re about to spend April 18th (and beyond!).

So, fair to say, there are other word games out there. You probably play a few of them, as do I.  And one of the commonalities, I find, is how much they limit you. Sure, sure, there’s benefit to that.  There’s beauty in simplicity, and there’s a challenge inherent in doing your best within restrained conditions.

And then there's the glory of being able to spell the best word you can find, spreading your linguistic wings and scoring!

Bookworm Heroes is all about you. Choose the Hero whose power best suits your play style and personality. Are you an offensive player who likes to come out swinging? Maybe you’ll enjoy playing with the power of Polyphemus, smashing your opponents’ letter tiles to lower their value. Do you kind of enjoy rubbing your foes’ noses in your victory? Hamlet’s power actually includes adding insult to injury when you know your word is better than the one they just played!

Or are you more like me, the defensive player who just wants to make beautiful words? Razor the Cyberpunk (shown above using her Hack and Spell power) allows you to pilfer choice letter tiles from your opponent, so you can build the biggest, most perfect word you can imagine!

And don’t forget Lex, whose smile never fades as he does what he loves most — Eat Your Words. His power helps keep you going in a tough spot, regaining health through syllabic snacking.

Bookworm Heroes also has special tiles that take the game to a whole new level:

The sapphire tile offers you a coin flip chance at spelling a second word using the letters from your original word. This is a very satisfying way to lay the proverbial smackdown.

You can choose to share your proudest plays on Facebook as you go:

I enjoy going the spelling bee route, using my word in a sentence.

And if you aren’t getting enough of a challenge from your friends, try starting a game with a random opponent! Anyone out there playing Bookworm Heroes may answer your call, and you will see how you measure up in the wide world of wordsmiths.

Finally, don’t forget to “like” the fan page on Facebook and learn how you might find fame as the Word of the Day!

Yep, that's me again. But like I said, I've had a head start. Now, I am competing with the whole world...so bring it on!

The great Kuhu sees all, knows all, contains all. But the great Kuhu cannot, for the life of him, find Waldo!

Rest, dear readers, in this small comfort: the Worm is nigh! The Worm is nigh! And the Worm has friends!

Here, now, we end all confusion about the Old Old Suit Man: there is not one, but two, or maybe many. And verily, one of him roams the countryside with close companions!

And on the day you dance and dance and dance like no one is watching, all will see your true glory. But woe to you who dance without proper hydration!

Hear this, lovers of joy: do not weep at your sorrowful boredom: weep for happiness at your coming Adventures!

On the day the people sit and play, their table will be covered in precious jewels. One shall claim victory, while the rest gnash their teeth in protest and yearn for the digital diversion!

It’s time to trim your toenails!

The cards reveal your greatest treasures. The cards exist in a small box with magical pictures and sounds. Look, there’s a mermaid!

Finally, friends, Kuhu shall solve one of life’s greatest riddles: it is neither the chicken, nor the egg, but the egg salad sandwich! I need a napkin!

Blog Ride Editor’s Note: Want to know what the future holds for you? Ask Kuhu at KuhuSpeaks@PopCap.com. Kuhu shall speak again.

Hear, oh people, the warnings of Kuhu:

Be not out past the downing of the sun, and stay off my roof!

Glory is given, glory is taken. All who receive shall remain in the database!

Fear not the lopsided eyes of the Old Old Suit-Man … but fear his many approaching forms!

Kuhu learned email: KuhuSpeaks@PopCap.com!

Hear oh people, the joyfulness of Kuhu:

There, too, are many forms of worms. Among them, the shiniest are the i!

The lion will lie down with the lamb, and then the lion will get up and frolic in the meadows. And the lion will not calm down! And the lamb shall seek refuge and shout, “I should’ve stayed home!”

Joy comes in many forms, much like the Old Old Suit-Man… but its greatest form is a sandwich!

Hear, oh people, the future memories of Kuhu:

In the Year of the Singing Salamander, it was either that, or the Year of the Digital Swan!

And on the day they solved the crime, the County called Green was exposed. All who called this land “County” discovered the hidden truth, nestled beside the hidden feather: it is a Town!

And surrounding that Town, Canada!

Verily, all games shall exist, and some shall cease. The adventure hath existed even as the adventure was yet unknown. And the adventure was flowers and diamonds and words!

I just bought a huge soup pot!

Blog Ride Editor’s Note: Want to know what the future holds for you? Ask him at KuhuSpeaks@PopCap.com. Kuhu shall speak again.