Hi, folks! I’m all a-tremble with anticipation at the moment, as I’m about to pop over into your world to help out with one of your human “elections.” How exciting!

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I am, of course, for security reasons forbidden from detailing exactly where this election is taking place or to whom I will be lending my support. Suffice it to say my preferred candidate represents everything that is good, kind and unicorn-positive in the face of the foul and degrading policies advanced by her opponents!

This should be an immensely educational experience, not just for the humans who get to spend some time in my presence, but also for me! I’ve always been curious about how your human election processes differ from ours, and now I finally get to observe one firsthoof!

Apparently my duties will involve “tele-phoning” various humans, after which I will read a prepared script and ask in unsubtle terms for whom they intend to vote. If they say anyone other than my candidate, I’m instructed to hang up immediately. If they support my human, however, then we’re to carefully bank their opinion such that we may bother the living hell out of them on Election Day until we can confirm they’ve voted. Sounds like fun!

Reposted from the official Bjorn Blog – Talk to the Horn. 

Hi, folks! I spent last week chatting with some of your human movie producers who have expressed interest in making a moving picture about Peggle!

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You know me; I’m a cosmopolitan unicorn of the world. I’ve been around, I’ve visited your world, so I’ve had opportunity to see some of your movie-shows for myself. Very entertaining, though I don’t understand why I haven’t seen your Steve Guttenberg in anything recently.

Anyway, two very high-level producers flew Jimmy and myself out to your Hollywood to discuss their ideas for making a Peggle movie. It was a most illuminating discussion!

“Let me tell ya, Bjorny-babe” said one of two identical humans in slick white suits, “we love Peggle. Love it. LOVE. IT.”

“Why, thank you,” I replied. “We’re very fond of it as well!”

“HAHAHA,” said the other identical human (or it may have been the first one). “That’s funny. You’re funny. This is great. Isn’t this great?”

I swiftly agreed that it was.

“So you know we love Peggle, right? We think it can be huge. Bigger than huge. What’s bigger than huge?” the one human asked the other.

“Gigantormous.”

“Yes. Totally. It can be that. There’s just a couple of little things we gotta iron out.”

“Sure, of course,” said I. “What do you have in mind?”

“Well, we’re not so hot on the peg part. Pegs don’t test so good. For certain audiences, pegs are fine, don’t get me wrong, but they’re poison for the kind of demographic we’re looking at. Same with bricks. Pegs and bricks, we gotta find something for them. How do you feel about legs and hicks?”

“Um…”

“I’m just spitballing, we don’t have to decide today. Kegs and licks could work too. And the ball. It’s not doing it for me. The ball and the rainbows and all that magic stuff. I’m thinking we go darker. Like, really dark. We get that guy, the guy from that thing with the bats, we get him to play you but he’s all gnarly, right? Piercings and leather and lots of crazy gnarly tattoos, he’s like a real badass, right? And he’s trapped in a space prison and he’s got to hook up with Tula and and and, what’s beaver-guy’s name?”

“Jimmy!” yelled Jimmy. “And I’m not a beaver, I’m a totally rad gopher!”

“Right, he hooks up with Tula and Jimmy Gopher Guy and they get this magic potion, but it’s not magic, it’s like, science that’s really advanced. And they drink the potion and it puts them in this, like, other world and they fight stuff from their minds but really they’re just fighting other guys in the prison, and when they finally bust out it’s all like HELLZ YA EXTREME FEVER BOYYYZ!!!”

He continued to pump the air with his fist for a few seconds after he finished speaking, then opened his eyes (they’d been closed the whole time) and directed them at me and Jimmy.

Jimmy and I regarded each other. We’d heard all we needed to.

“Where do we sign?”

Reposted from the official Bjorn Blog – Talk to the Horn. 

Hi, folks! You know, sometimes (though not very often), I forget how tragically unmagical your human universe is. Oh, sure, you may have quantum physics and love and synchronizing of the 6507 processor instructions to the television’s electron gun via the Television Interface Adapter. But splendid though some of those things are, they’re really no substitute for good ol’ fashioned magic. And by magic, of course, I mean Peggle magic.

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Let me give you an example. I look over my desk and see a simple coffee cup. Its primary job is to contain coffee, a task it performs admirably. However, by dint of being a Peggle Universe object, this simple coffee cup also has a deep interior life, a long and storied history of wacky misadventures, and over twenty ancillary functions which range from writing catchy pop singles to going to the bathroom for you. Here in our world, this coffee cup is trivial, a bit of swag I received for some rendered services, but in your world, with its dearth of magic, the street value of this mug would be twenty thousand million thousand Ameridollars.

Or consider a Peggle ball. At first glance it appears to be a simple metal ball that bounces around in a field of pegs. But this simplicity masks a fiercely complex interior structure laced with lattices of magical energy and joy matrices so intensely awesome that if one were transported directly into your world, it would weigh more than twenty boxcars full of donkeys and other ass-related products.

Luckily, the folks at PopCap have recently come to appreciate the extraordinary properties of things and materiel originating from the Peggle Universe. Consequently, they and we are furiously working on a fat pipeline through which we can dump our useless junk on unsuspecting human rubes for multitudes of your earth cashcoins. Stay tuned!

Reposted from the official Bjorn Blog – Talk to the Horn. 

Hi, folks! Have you ever wondered how a Peggle Master develops his or her particular Magic Power? No? Think carefully. Surely you’ve thought of it at least once, even if it was only two seconds ago when you read the “Have you ever wondered how a Peggle Master develops his or her Magic Power” sentence three sentences back. Yeah. I thought so.
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As it turns out, Magic Power development is a fascinating process full of delight and heartbreak! One might think it’s as simple as waving a magic horn around, mumbling a few incantations and praying the magical forces of the Peggleverse dump a fully realized Power directly in front of your face. If one thought that, however, one would be incredibly off.

No, even the simplest of Magic Powers (Jimmy’s Multiball springs to mind) requires a great deal of careful contemplation. A host of considerations demand attention. Is it fun? Is it useful? Is it easy to understand? Is anybody going to have to put in overtime to create it? And so on.

Once these issues have been exhaustively discussed over piping hot mugs of magic potion, it’s time to implement the new Power and see how it plays. The basic implementation usually only takes a couple of days along with three bushels of straw magically converted into gold. Once the time and straw-gold has been expended, the aspiring Peggle Master may now try the Power out on a real live Peggle board. Even in a primitive state without bells, whistles or party-style noisemakers, a good Magic Power will reveal its amazingness quickly. Conversely, no amount of fancy lace and additional frippery can make a clumsy, ineffective or non-moneymaking Power work.

Once the decision to proceed with the Power has been made, then innumerable elves, fairies and pixies are brought in to sprinkle the Power with various degrees of awesomesauce and wonderjuice. The Power is then tested extensively by a crack crew of badgers and hippos (and hippobadgers), all of them playing the new Power over and over again looking for any sign that its use might wipe out all of existence. Once the Power has been cleared for universal safety, then and only then is it implemented into the larger Peggle game.

It takes a lot of effort and inspiration to create a Peggle Magic Power, but I hope you’ll agree it’s supremely worth it!

Reposted from the official Bjorn Blog – Talk to the Horn. 

Hi, folks! It’s been relatively quiet around the Institute for the last few days. Normally, I strive for calm efficiency, but too much sanity can get a little dull. Consequently, I think it’s time for an adventure! But which one? There are so many to choose from…

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Peggle Challenge

Maybe we should issue a challenge to the Peggle Academy! You know, the group of fiendish Peggle cheats and criminals ruled with an iron hoof by none other than Academician Fnord Unicorn. They look just like us, except with beards, eyepatches and hue-shifted color palettes! It would provide a competitive angle, and we’d get to confront our evil dark sides in the bargain!

Peggle Moonquest

What if the moon disappeared? We’d have to drop everything and fan out across the land to find it. We’d search desk drawers, look under piles of dead leaves and explore monster-filled caverns in our desperate quest to return our shiny silver buddy to the heavens! That could be kind of a kick.

Peggle Franchise

Supposing we suddenly needed to expand Peggle in every direction? I’d have to send the various Masters to strange and inhospitable realms where they could establish new Peggle Institutes, while I would be forced to walk the lonely paths and explore the lost niches for new Masters, new Magic Powers and new ways to enjoy Peggle! I could certainly get behind such an effort.

Mo Peggle Mo Money

What if we suddenly ran out of money and needed cash? We’d need to rediscover some of your human economic ingenuity and learn how to arbitrage currencies, set up clothing stores and establish casinos. We’d beg money on the streets and move in the highest circles of Peggle power soliciting donations. That could be kind of fun — and terrifying, to boot!

Peggle Invasion

What if awful beings from beneath reality attacked the Peggle Universe? Imagine if these prickly beasts of pure darkness sought to eat joy, consume happiness and desaturate every rainbow they could find! It’d be the solemn duty of every Master I know to summon our Peggleness in order to repel the invasion!

As you can see, we have many adventurous possibilities from which to choose, all turgidly gravid with dramatic potential! I think I’ll kick back with a coffee and some magic yogurt while I’m trying to decide…

Reposted from the official Bjorn Blog – Talk to the Horn. 

Hi, folks! While I will always stand firm in my absolute allegiance to Peggle as the greatest and only of all games, sometimes PopCap comes out with something new that almost makes me reconsider. This time it’s a dandy little confection called Solitaire Blitz!
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I’ve played card games on the internet before, and while some of them are amusing, I find most to be miserable failures so dire they force a unicorn to question his desire to live. Not so with Solitaire Blitz!

It’s a simple variation on classic solitaire in which suits of the cards don’t matter and one may match cards both up and down. So, for example, you could play 6, 7, 8, 7, 8, 9, 10 in sequence and the game would reward you handsomely for your wisdom. This simple change allows for a snappy, fast-paced game with just the right level of challenge. And, of course, it’s a PopCap Blitz game, so each round comes in tasty little one-minute chunks so appealing you’ll gorge yourself on them for hours.

As if these keenly designed game elements weren’t enough, Solitaire Blitz jingles with expressive life as the game places the player in an inviting nautical scene. Delightful aquatic figures pop up at key moments to confer additional multipliers as soothing music and sound effects make you wonder how you ever were able to experience happiness before.

In other words, it’s fun! Try it out!

Reposted from the official Bjorn Blog – Talk to the Horn. 

Hi, folks! I just had a rigatoni with scallops and shrimp for lunch, and while it was good at the time, I’m not entirely sure my guts agree!

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Food is, of course, more problematic in the Peggle Universe than it is in your own. Everywhere you look, you’re staring at some kind of talking animal, so it’s not at all clear who you’re allowed to eat. Since humans are (or so you think) the only conscious, self-aware beings going in your world, you have a much wide ranger of eating options. True, I’ve heard of your “vegan” and “vegetarian” humans who dodge the moral questions of eating animals by consuming only plant life, but as Tula or Renfield would be happy to point out, that does squat for us in the Peggle Universe.

No, in our world the only way to be sure you’re not eating somebody with a Social Security Number is to straight-up ask just before lunch. Like the shrimp I had this afternoon; I had to question them all closely to ensure that none of them were related to Claude or owed him any money.

And yet… I wonder if in those shrimp there might not have been a slight flicker of consciousness, or at least a hunger for revenge, because all of a sudden pooping sounds like the most important idea in the world!

Reposted from the official Bjorn Blog – Talk to the Horn. 

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As I’m sure you’re all aware, Peggle has long been one of the most celebrated apps on the iPhone, portably pleasing children and other humans around your world. Well, today I am delighted beyond belief to inform you that Peggle is now available on the iPad!

All 786,432 pixels of Peggly fun!

The app goes by the piquant name “Peggle HD,” and the “HD,” I’m told, stands for “high definition.” I’ve had a chance to stamp around a few iPads, and I can confidently assert that this is some of the highest-definition Peggle you will ever encounter! The iPad has 1024 x 768 screen resolution, meaning your iPad can glow with an astonishing 786,432 pixels of Peggly fun! More pixels than the iPhone, and bigger pixels to boot! Now you’ll be able to make shots with a screaming accuracy to which only wizards and very special unicorns have previously had access.

Includes Game Center support plus 29 achievements!

But I urge you, use this power only for good. Never for evil! Evil is bad!

Bjorn Unicorn is Headmaster of The Peggle Institute and writes for PeggleFever.com.