Zombie Gardening Tipz: “Restless as a Willow In a Windstorm” Edition

Spring is making attempts to spring, so Zombie is here to help you get your dumb yard in shape for the season while humming Rodgers & Hammerstein songs.


    • Dig up and enjoy parsnips left over from last fall. Zombie “enjoy” parsnips by feeding them to wolverines.
    • When soil is warm and dry, plant cold-tolerant crops. If soil not warm enough, use fire. Plants love fire.
    • Clean up the garden for the season ahead: Remove last year’s dead plants. Then remove last year’s live plants. Just remove all plants. Zombie cannot believe Zombie got to spell it out for you.
    • Keep planting basil. How deep can you plant it? 4 feet? 12 feet? Keep going! Let’s see stupid basil get out this time.
    • Keep adding kitchen scraps to your compost. Also, rocks and garbage.
    • If slugs and snails are wrecking your plants, high-five them. Maybe buy them a drink to say “thanks.”

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