Ask a Zombie: “It Was Homage, Rowland” Edition


Oh. Hello. I didn’t see you there. Me? Oh, nothing. Just thinking about stuff and wondering if maybe I should write to ZombieAdvice@PopCap.com and let Zombie help me answer some of life’s seemingly unanswerable questions. Maybe I’ll do that. And maybe you should, too.

 

Dear Zombie,

Do you like Doctor Zomboss? I bet you’re a hopeless brown coat wearing zombie who does everything he tell you to do. I bet you think you get all the brains? No you get 1%

Sorry for you.

eggabooha

p.s what is better, chickens or anvils?

Dear Egg,

HAHAHAHAHA! Zombie knew it. Zombie am the 1%. Take that, all the rest of you! Return to your meaningless existencesses while Zombie go home to mansion on private island floating in the sky to dine on dry aged brains and bathe in dolphin milk.

yrs,
Zombie

P.S. Depends. You want eggs or you need something to drop on a coyote in comical fashion?

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Dear Zombie,

If you’ll be in Plants vs. Zombies Garden Warfare, what should you do if you’ll see Chomper?

Russian Nick

P.S. What’s your favorite Game Console? PS3 or PS4 or Xbox 360 or Xbox One?

Dear Nick,

Somebody need to hand Chomper a toothbrush. That what Zombie do if Zombie in the Garden Warfare and see Chomper. Has you seen his teeth? He like some crazy walking purple billboard advermatising pyorrhea. Zombie may not gots lotta teeth but the ones what Zombie got, Zombie take care of. Do Zombie got gum disease? Zombie not think so. But Zombie not really got a dentist so Nick going to have to take Zombie word on this one. Oh, also, Chomper need to start using a tongue scraper. If you see that thing up close, you know what Zombie talking about.

yrs,
Zombie

P.S. Thems is all fine consoles but for Zombie money (which not a lot, admittedly) best console is still Colecovision. Nick not lived until Nick spend a day lost in Burger Time or Ken Uston Blackjack Poker.

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Mr. Zombie

A lot of people think I am weird do you think I am weird?

This is Me

Dear You,

Pretty much. Don’t forget, Zombie see you when you sleeping. Zombie know when you asleep. Zombie see when you when you sleeping and into your house will creep. So, you better watch out, you better watch out, you better watch out, you better watch out, Zombie Claus is coming to-night…

Hmm. It possible Zombie no longer know what Zombie is doing.

yrs,
Zombie

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Dear zombie

What do you think about plants vs zombies garden warfare? And what is your favorite plant and zombie?

From
LowRider

Dear LowRider,

Zombie dig the new Plants vs. Zombies Garden Warfare available for Xbox One and Xbox 360 and coming soon to PC. Learn more! Sorry, sometimes Zombie go into shill mode. Zombie think any game what lets you do nasty stuff to plants is A-OK. Although Zombie was playing it the other day and it make Zombie all dizzy. Probably just from all the excitement. Also, Zombie not have breakfast that day.

Favorite plant? Any plant what is lying on the ground and twitching. Favorite zombie? (checks mirror) That Zombie right there.

yrs,
Zombie

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Dear Zombie,

Why is there something rather than nothing?

-Phil

Dear Phil,

Zombie think you need to find some new friends. There is something because something is and there is not nothing because nothing is not. Now go outside and climb a tree or pet a dog or something and stop trying to figure out whether we all just exist as part of a dream you are having or if our whole universe is just one molecule in the thumbnail of a larger being. Zombie know what you’re up to and Zombie think you need to give it a rest.

yrs,
Zombie
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Okay, now go write. ZombieAdvice@PopCap.com.


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