Ask a Zombie: “Playing Their Fiddles and Dancing Their Jigs” Edition


If you are reading this, you have a problem that only Zombie can solve. Don’t try to figure it out, just write to ZombieAdvice@PopCap.com and Zombie will make it all better.

Dear Mr. Zombie,

There’s something on my mind for quite some time now. Why are you helping us with your wisdom and advice, when you’re simply after our brains? Wouldn’t that make us enemies?

Confusingly yours,
-Anthony

Dear Hyphenanthony,

You want Zombie help or you not want Zombie help? This just a moment in time Anthony. Zombie can help you now and help can be helpful and your life improve and you skip around singing tra-la-la and then maybe later Zombie come and eat your suspicious brain and you go, “Hey, I remember you” and Zombie going to give you the raised eyebrows of acknowledgement and eat your brain anyway. It not personal. It just how The Universe™ is, Anthony. You know how some time you petting a cat and it all cuddly and making motorboat noise and then suddenly it turn around and bite you? Is you all, “Hey cat, are we enemies now?” Just take it for what it is, Anthony. Do not worry about what comes after.

yrs,
Zombie


___________________________________________________________

Dear Zombie,

What would you do if you had a Ferrari?

Sincerely
Robert.

Dear Robert.,

Zombie got a few options. Let Zombie lay them out.

First option for what if Zombie had a Ferrari is: Zombie would totes wreck it. Not on purpose, mabey. Zombie just like to go vroomy vroom vroom! Pigeon at the wheel! And crank up the radio for to listen to Katy Perry songs and not pay attention to bend in road.

If Zombie wants to get crafty, Zombie park it outside of your house with a “FREE CAR” sign on it and leave window down and keys in ing igti key part. Then Zombie hide in back seat and when Robert get in to new free car… SNACK TIME.  And repeat.

Or Zombie could sell it and buy a bunch of used economy cars and give them to all Zombie friends and start a used economy car gang. Peepul laugh for to see us coming, but our combined gas mileage would make us unstoppable.

yrs,
Zombie

___________________________________________________________

Greetings,

How are you? Please accept me apology if mode of contacting you will in any way offend you. I want to discuss with you an important issue. Kindly reach me back urgent.

Yours Sincerely,
Miss Rose

Greetings Person Who Am Either a Pirate or a Leprechaun,

You got a itch or something? Just do what Zombie do and rub up and down on tree. Then you never need nobody else to reach yer back urgent.

yrs,
Zombie

___________________________________________________________

Zombie,

Have you ever been in love?

Yours truly,
Someone Cool

Dear Someone,

Zombie going to decide who am cool and who am not cool. Calling yerself cool is kind of like giving yourself your own nickname. You not get to do that. Otherwise, Zombie insist ebrybody call Zombie “Nickel Nose” or “Jim Jupiter.”

Haves Zombie ever been in the love?  Zombie not kiss and tell. What kind of Zombie you think Zombie is? If you answer anything besides “Gentleman Zombie” then we gots us pistols at dawn, friend.

yrs,
Zombie

___________________________________________________________

Dear Zombie,

If the Witness Protection Program were able to place people in fictional worlds, and once there, you would have to play the part perfectly in order to survive, what world would you most want to live in? What world might be really hard to pretend to be a part of?

Mrs. J

Dear Mrs. J,

Zombie want to live inside movie “To Catch a Thief.” Because Cary Grant and Grace Kelly on the French Riviera? Hubba hubba times infinity. It also hardest world to pretend to be a part of because there am lot of beaches and Zombie got sand in his briefs one time and some of it still in there. Wicked uncomfortable.

yrs,
Zombie

___________________________________________________________


To report an offensive post, hover over the upper right hand area of the comment and click the 'x' that appears.