Zombie Gardening Tipz: “The Winter of Our Discontent” Edition

Zombie is back again with helpful hints and top tips for making your yard, garden or bunch of pots on the porch into a flora fiesta! Do what he says and everything will be all right.

    • Start planning for the Spring. Remember all them plants you stuck in the dirt last year what died anyway? Make a note to never plant anything in that part of your garden ever again. EVER! Serious. What is the point?


    • Too much snow on the ground? You need salt! Lots and lots of salt. Put it on eberything! Make sure you use enuff so it gets all the way down to the roots. Plants love salt! And you not need to season your food later! For real. You gots to trust Zombie on this one.


    • Unseasonably warm in yr neighborhood? Spring bulbs coming up too early? Teach them a lesson! Dig up and puts in the freezer for a couple days. Just to show ‘em who am the boss.


    • Inspect existing plants for insects. If you find any, name them. KAZBAZZ! Instant petting zoo.


    • Use fireplace ash for good source of potash. Better yet, just light whole garden on fire and save a step.


    • And ask yourself why you spending so much time pulling “weeds” and trying to make other dumb plants live what just want to die. Ignore all that other junk and whatever still alive in your garden next year, that your garden. Easy peasy. Yer welcome.

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