Zombie Gardening Tipz: “Fall for Anything” Edition


Pumpkins are everywhere! How comes it eberybody putting pumpkin in everything this time of year? Zombie not mind so much because it means pumpkins are getting all mushed up and put in things but who wanna eat that? For real? And peepul say Zombie do weird junk. Anyway, if that your thing, whatevs. As for Zombie, Zombie like to squish ‘em up in the road and then just leave ‘em there and is suggesting you do the same.

Plants love water. If you not getting enough rain, bust out the hose and give yer ugly garden a good soak. Turn it up high and let it go for a day or two. Dig up plants and spray water right onto roots even. Got a power washer? Even better. Plants demand water? You give ‘em water. That’ll learn them good.

It time to stick all yer spring type bulbs in the ground. But before you do, get a bat (cricket, baseball, whiffle… it do not matter) and see how far you can whack them little bulbs. It is super fun, Zombie swear. Just toss them in the air and swing like crazy. It like eating potatoe chips or smashing windows. Once you start, you not going to be able to stop. And you don’t have to spend all day kneeling in dirt. Yer welcome.

Fall is the perfect time to plant trees, shrubs and perennials. But why would you do that when you could sit inside eating nachos and watching 9 hours of football on the tee-vee? Serious.

It getting chilly outside so make sure you protect yer plants from the colds. You can either dig them all up and pile them together for warmth (light a fire around them while you are at it) or just cover them up with rocks and garbage.


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