Zombie Gardening Tipz: Not Quite August But Close Enough Edition


Summer is getting hotter. Best thing to do is dig up garden and stop wasting time trying to save plants what are wilting. If you has the means, rent a backhoe and get rid of everything in one shot. Or, just drive your car back and forth over the garden a few times (and don’t forget to turn the air conditioner all the way up). Then go in the house and enjoy some nice lemonade. Problems solved.

If you not gonna heed Zombie and insist on wasting last few nice days of summer bent over some ingrate vegetable, then here are some things what you can try:

Plants need water? Dig them up and turn them upside down in the hole so the roots are pointing at the sky. That way, when it rains, water get right into root and not have to filter through dirt where worms just gonna drink it all anyway.

Visit your vegetable garden daily to make sure mouthy vegetables aren’t getting out of line. If you see one you don’t like, smack it with a shovel. In fact, smack all them with a shovel just to show who is boss. Do it now. Zombie will wait.

Doo doo doo… doo doo… doo doo doo doo doo doo-oo

Okay, you back? Good. Where was we?

Check tomato plants for nasty green hornworms. If you see them, jump up and down waving your hands and screaming, “ew! ew! ew! yucky! yucky!” then run into the house and never go back out there. Tomatoes not worth it.

If you crazy enough to be growing plants for to eat later, why not salt them now and save a step? For reals! Plants love salt. Put a bunch on all your plants. You gonna be glad you did.

Lawn getting out of control? Three words for you: gas-o-line.


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