Ask a Zombie: “Adventures in Wonderland (Revere, MA)” Edition


Dear Zombie-

Knock knock!

Who’s there?

India

India who?

India-vent you don’t pack a sandwich, we can pick up tacos!

Good, right?

Felicia Felix-Mentor

Dear Mrs. Huxtable,

See, how this thing work is, you aks Zombie a thing and then Zombie answer that thing. Zombie not really know what to do with this one because you already answered. Do you even need Zombie here? Anyway, tacos is more of a peepul thing and not a zombie thing. Oh, unless youse is talking about tacos de sesos. Then Zombie totally on board with that. Extra sesos, hold the tacos.

Also too as well in addition, here is Zombie favorite knock-knock joke:

Knock knock!

Come in!

yrs,
Zombie

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Dear Zombie-

I was thinking of visiting the mummies of Ferentillo this summer, and it made me wonder – how do you feel about mummies? What about ghouls? Spectres? Wraiths? Are there undead parties? And if so, what music is played? And what shoes do you wear?

Curiously,
William Beckford’s Nephew

Dear Sir Peter,

Zombie dig mummies (tee hee, Zombie made a funny). Akchually, Zombie lurnt a lot of what Zombie know from mummies. Zombie can not say much about mummy fashion sense, but when chips are down, you gonna want a mummy in your corner. Also, Zombie not know what “when chips are down” means. Zombie pretty sure Zombie fall in to ‘ghoul’ classification so it probly comflict of interest to say too much about that (Ghouls Rule!). Also, Zombie not care about comflict of interest. Spectres are a little mopey, if you want to know the truth. They make pretty good punch, so they always get invites to undead parties but spend a lot of time just standing in corner being all “boo hoo, I am a spectre and not even that judgy one from the comic books.” AND YOU STAY AWAY FROM WRAITHS. Zombie have complimacated relationship with Wraiths and do not need you messing it up.

Man, are we still on this question?

As for music what play at undead parties (always shoes-optional, bee-tee-dub), if you guess “Monster Mash” then go outside and walk west until yer hat floats. There is usually rotating music reps risps duties for parties. Except Spectre lost music privileges after putting “Who Killed Mr. Moonlight?” on repeat and wouldn’t let nobody near the boom box. Talk about a downer. Note: a little Bauhaus go a long, long (long) way. Where was Zombie… oh, right, music. Two words: Yma Sumac.

yrs,
Zombie

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Akaw!

Do you ever go surfing or are you a beach leech? If you’re a choka surfer, what would be the top ten surfing beaches you’d visit if you wanted to avoid swallowing the chowder but don’t mind getting in the soup?

Dude,
Dude

Dude,

Zombie not speak yer moon language. But Zombie not a quitter so maybe can figure this out. Zombie not really into the whole beach scene, except that sometimes Zombie can find sleepy people, covered in oil just lying around. It kind of like a buffet, so there is that. Zombie have never choked a surfer before but is not against it in theory. As for beaches to visit, Zombie always want to see Chowpatty Beach in Mumbai for it’s beautiful sands or the beach at Blackpool (England) for the friendly locals, but for obvious reasons (to Zombie and anybody what speak Spanish or not speak Spanish but what can use Google Translate and then not be disappointed in Google Translate because it doesn’t work)  Zombie number one beach is Playa Zipolite in Mexico. Go ask Jeeves.

yrs,
Zombie
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Р~!

ҼȄӽ ҆퇑 xǀ ˷u帱q侾
ٵ順X, ĭX, ‘XX : ҼȄӽ =ǏŴٰ�頱ŇϽÁҿ
ٵ 灶, Ųĉ: ĉ Ÿ Ǐ頿؁��ȇρ��ʀ俼

Ƕ݀μBR

Listen Terence,

That not how it went down. At all. Get the story straight before you open your word hole.

yrs,
Zombie

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Hey Zombie,

I have trouble doing division. Like in the question 7 divide by 5. Do you have a brain to do it?

Sabeen

Hey Sabeen,

Do words “Texas Instruments” mean nothing to you? 7 divided by 5 is 1.4. You want Zombie should get all cosine up in here? Bring it.

yrs,
Zombie
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Zombie owes guy named Rob an apology. Sorry Rob.
As for the rest of you, you have problems what only Zombie can fix.
Write to ZombieAdvice(at)PopCap.com.

Before it is too late.


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