Ask a Zombie: “Standing on the Corner Watching All The Girls Go By” Edition


Dear Zombie,

I have, as of late, grown increasingly bored. I’ve been making stuffed animals with felt but am fresh out of ideas! What do you think that I should make? Or should I just do something completely different, like draw or read or something?

What do you do when you’re bored? Or is eating brains such an entertaining occupation that you’re not concerned with how you spend your time?

Hoping for an answer,

Joy P.

P.S. Which do you hate more, pea shooters or cherry bombs?

Dear Joypi,

Maybe you wanna try making stuffed animals out of other things. Banana peels, small rocks, paper bags, French horns… that sort of thing. Don’t limit yourself. Why not draw and read and … something. Eel fighting, wolverine manicurist, floral dentistry… or, y’know, whatevs. Maybe just read a real boring book and then all that other stuff gonna seem exciting again.

Zombie not really have time to get bored. Besides, you would be surprised how many different ways people go “AAIIEEE!” when they see Zombie coming. It never get old.

yrs,
Zombie

P.S. They are both jerks.

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Dear Zombie,

I almost had my brains eaten, but I decided to show the zombie the closest people who had Undefended lawns, and they were happy. I decided to make peace with them by showing them other people’s brains. Anyway, you guys are mostly happy with me ever since I gave you brains and changed my cruel, plant friendly ways. I decided to eat plants for zombies so they didn’t have to eat them, and Those pea shooters can’t hurt me. Are my brains still at risk?

Hunter (of brains)

Dear Hunter,

Are your brains still at risk? In a word: totally. Nobody likes a suck-up.

yrs,
Zombie

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Hey! Speaking of suck-ups!

Dyr Zombie,

Zombi myght cal Vampire stupid, but do difrent brans typs tast beter than othyrs? Sometims king blood tastes beter than dyrty pesent blood. Dysgustyng!

Yrs,
Vampire

Dear Vampire,

How many times Zombie has to tell you? Do not bother Zombie at work! But since you and Zombie am here, Zombie have a question for you? Why Vampire such a snob? This is you, “Ooh, I am all fancy and not want to drink yucky poor peepul blood. What will the Dowager Countess say? Oh heavens, I seem to have come all over with the vapors! (faints)” You only eat one thing, dude. You cannot afford to get all choosy.

Now get back up your tree.

yrs,
Zombie

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Dear Zombie,
Hello, my name is Lynn and I am quite impressed that you know how to use the computer! Tell me, how did you learn to use the computer? Was it easy or hard with your brainless head? I’m not being rude or anything, but I’m curious :) and one more thing, I think you should eat meat. :p
Yours sincerely,
Lynn

Dear Lynn,

Zombie will decide who is being rude and who isn’t. Anyway, Zombie just take “How to Internet” course from Video Professor and rest is easy! HAHAHAHAH! Just kiddings. Zombie not fall for that. Anyway, Zombie got one of them Gateway jobbies. The box looks like a cow! It have everything a zombie need.

In spare time Zombie trying to build old-timey Difference Engine but all them Steampunk kids keep buying gears and junk to glue to their outfits.

Zombie should eat meat? What you thingk brains is?

yrs,
Zombie

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Dear Zombie,

Hungry, too, I reckon

Sloee1

Dear Somebody Who Is Clearly Trying to Avoid a Reading Assignment,

Zombie rest a while and go on. Zombie ain’t afeared of the dark.

Now get back to work. Huckleberry not going to read himself.

yrs,
Zombie
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Hey there, Zombie guy,
Swinging down the street so fancy free.
Nobody you meet could ever see
The loneliness there inside you.

Help Zombie help you.
Send your question to ZombieAdvice (at) PopCap.com


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