We’ve made a name for ourselves here on the Blog Ride (well, maybe “made a name” is too strong – “sketched initials in the sand for ourselves with a small twig” might be better) with our series of Rejected Game Ideas. Remember, of course, that we do this just in fun, to amuse you, we hope, not because these were ever actually game ideas. If you love our ideas and chuckle a bit, that makes us happy. And if everyone’s happy, the world is, I think, a better place. But what do I know? I’m just putting a bunch of silly never-was games** on a blog. Here is the third list, then, of Rejected Game Ideas.
Back-to-Back Bananas II: Bananas are Back!
In this sequel to the most popular fruit game ever, it’s up to you to place those wacky yellow animated ‘nanas together. But watch out: Harpo’s here again, too, and this time he has a giant tuba in his jacket!
Misreading the Classics
Can you spot the misquoted classic quote before the cudgel of Chaucer or the shillelagh of Sartre crushes your new pen-and-ink set?
So, so many badgers. And only one sack.
My First Moustache
Navigate your 14-year-old hero through a maze of Chevron, Dali, Pencil, Freestyle, Toothbrush, Fu Manchu, Handlebar, Horseshoe, Imperial, and more moustaches.
Thanks to the magic of Spacestar Ordering, you’ve found yourself with what you most wanted: a robot hand.
Join the quest! Put together the clues as you try to find your match in this social-mobile sensation where nothing is on screen and there are no clues!
It’s a circus of the narcissistic stars in this struggle of the un-humble. Who will end up with the magic elephant? Only those who play in a most smarmy manner.
Whack-a-mole meets Mrs. Doubtfire in this battle to rout the rodents without ever getting dust on your hammer.
It’s a demon in a wig, and it’s after your neighborhood with a bunch of blue-haired fiends in tow. You’ll have to enter the crunch without losing your knitting needles in this action-strategy hit for all ages from 6 to 86.
Naïve Garbage Man
Match the rubbish with the proper bin or your screen starts to smell (warning: experimental technology involved).
It’s a tic-tac-toe triumph with twisters versus Centurions and every space strategically important. But some, honestly, more important than others.
Dr. Kuhulu and the Mystic Mystery of Madness Manor: An Unexpected Journey to the Land that Time Forgot
Can you travel the back roads to unravel the cryptic clues in time to get away from the tyrannosaurus before the manor crumbles under the ancient gypsy curse?
The Secrets of Smith
The game that made the Internet cry. Tears of sweet, sweet joy. Then some of sadness. Then a few more of joy.
Teefies Go Ouch!
The evil Dr. D.K. (who calls himself a “Dr.” though he only has a Master’s degree) is out to spray his cavity ray at every pearly white in sight. Only you can smear enough chocolate on to save the day in this backwards world.
Sainted Showdown IV
Nicholas the Mystic vs. James the Lesser: Pick your saint. Pick your weapon. The robe-off is on again!
Quelle Surprise Suppertime
Play the edible game that inspired the hit song: “What’s under that plate cover, today, what’s under that plate cover, today, it could be chick-en mole, it could be a potato croquet, it could be a chocolate parfait, what’s under that plate cover, today.”
Dictatortots IV: Pommes Presidenté
The game of potato conquest that’s won six “Spuddies” already is back with a European campaign that’s sure to butter your brains.
Deathray of Sunshine
It’s race day at the Deathray track, and the competition is on with six other sunshine vehicles for the Cup of Doom – but be sure you make it to the finish line without falling into any rain traps.
May include possum.
Don’t Offend Australia
The international*** game of dart diplomacy pits your throwing prowess against all comers.
What can you do to make that wobbly penguin care enough about you to smile? I’d start by blasting away the mean ol’ ice monsters with your hot chocolate ray and then double dose them with your marshmallow mallets. But that’s just me.
*As Curtis once said, “Please don’t steal. Or, if you do, steal well.”
**Hey, these aren’t real games. But if you want to pretend they are, and talk about them to your friends on FriendFace, or whatever social thing you do, well, okay. We dig you.
***Only available in English.