Ask a Zombie: “Fame or Notoriety?” Edition


Dear Zombie,

Do you eat all kinds of brains? I can make you a brain out of broccoli. Will you eat it? Or do you only like human brains?

Love,
Konrad (7 years old)

Hey Konrad,

Do you like ice cream? Zombie make you some ice cream out of broccoli. You wants to eat it? Do you like skateboards? Zombie can make a skateboard out of broccoli. Will you ride it? Do you like video games? Zombie make you one out of broccoli. Want you to play it? Do you like fun things? Zombie just give you a bunch of broccoli and say “Look Konrad! Broccoli is a fun thing now!” Will you believe Zombie? No. Zombie not think you would. Why would you give Zombie broccoli? Sheesh, Konrad. It like you not even know Zombie any more.

yrs,
Zombie

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Dear Zombie,

Do you have a cool catchphrase like “I pity the fool” or “Whatchu talkin’ ’bout Willis?” Can you tell I grew up in the ’80s?

I’ll be back. (See what I did there?)
Ray

Hey Hey Hey,

Nope. Zombie not see what you did there. Anyway, Zombie tried a few kac cats slogans over the years but then somebody always say it taken. “Kiss Zombie Grits” was in play for a while until TV waitress started calling. Zombie learned hard way that “Sit on it!” was taken (also super not comfortable). Same for “Up your nose with a rubber hose.” For a while, Zombie tried “We were on a break!” but Zombie did not have a girlfriend so that one did not make sense and it was also really annoying. Anybody still using “Nanu nanu”?

Zombie out.

yrs,
Zombie
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Dear Zombie,

What if we were all once zombies, but there was a human apocalypse?

:O

Dear Colon-o

What is all this talk of “apocalypse”? Zombies not trying to end world. Zombies just here to eat your brains. It is humans making a big deal out of it with all the fighting and running and building bunkers. Zombies not hate humans. Zombies love humans. Why that so hard to get through your surprisingly delicate skulls?

yrs,
Zombie
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Dear Zombie,

Why do you eat brains and I hate your guts.

Sincerely,
Me

Dear Me (not Zombie, but you Me… this one getting confusing),

‘K, Zombie trying to find the question in there. Zombie eat brains because they are delishuz and you hate zombie guts because you got some sadness in your heart. Just tell yourself only way someone can break u is if u let them. U just gotta smile sometimes. TODAY is a GREAT DAY! i love my #beliebers – relax. i always got you. always gonna be there. much… Wait a second. Okay, sorry. Zombie was reading Justin Beeber twitter and getting confused. Nevermind. Zombie think you are a gut-hater ‘cuz Zombie is so handsum.

yrs,
Zombie
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Dear Zombie,

Why zombies are green? Why zombies aren’t Blue?

-Sayhan

Dear Sayhan,

Zombie used to be blue but then got some Zombie sertraline and things looking up. Thanks for checking in.

yrs,
Zombie
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Have a question for Zombie?
Better ask soon.
Send to ZombieAdvice@PopCap.com
Unless you are that place that keeps trying to sell Zombie airplane insurance.
If you are that place, knock it off.


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