Ask a Zombie: “We Attack the Fort” Edition


dear Zombie,

i really have nothing to do during the day and i get bored
i wanted to know what could i do to keep me active
i already play P vs Z so don’t suggest

yours boringly
Joshua

Dear Joshua,

You could start by lurning how to use the “shift” key.

yrs,
Zombie


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Dear Zombie,

My friend is in serious trouble. She is really unlucky, maybe even cursed, and everything is going wrong with her.
She needs money, she needs love, she needs a new camera, and she needs more lucky. What can i do for her?
And what if she is a lion….?

-Bigger Than Friend

Dear Biggie,

If friend is really a lion then Zombie question her need for new camera. Unless she just wants to take pictures of zebras faces right before she eats them but that seems cruel, even for a lion. Sounds like friend needs to date a rich photographer. Are you a rich photographer? Do you know any rich photographers? Why you standing around here and not out there finding rich photographer for friend who maybe or maybe not a lion. What kind of friend are you? Beat it. Friend not finding any rich photographers on her own. Sheesh.

yrs,
Zombie

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Dear Zombie,

I live in a world that takes place after a worldwide apocalypse. Some individuals have been mutated into what are known as “ghouls”, but take offense to being called zombies. Are there any terms you dislike being called by those whom aren’t living-impaired?

- Littlepip

Dear Pip,

Interdimensional email! Neat. That Zombie favorite kind of email. Anyway, Zombie only know about zombies in this world, not in whatever place it is you living. Zombie not expecially care what you call Zombie. Ghoul, living-impaired, fancy pants – it do not matter. If you want to waste all your time trying to be sensitive (or are looking for ways to be actively unsensitive) it not going to save you. You just keep spending alla time wondering what to call Zombie, but when Zombie get there you just going to be all “AIIIEEE!”

yrs,
Zombie

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So Zombie,

I herd that you think brains are good.
Have you ever had Rabbit brains?

Yours,
Miss Smith

Dear Missmith,

Zombie is not a rabbit zombie. Also, rabbits are crazy fast and just run away from Zombie unlike peepulz who stay in their houses and think boards on windows is going to stop Zombie and not just trap them inside when Zombie gets in. So… no. Zombie has not never had rabbit brains. Maybe if rabbits were not so smart, Zombie would try but there not a shortage of slow peepul brains so Zombie is good for now.

yrs,
Zombie

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Dear Zombie,

With the upcoming holidays coming up, have you celebrated Christmas before? Also, do you think brains taste good with bacon? What about beans?

Thanks for your time,
Josh

Dear Other Josh,

Every day like a holiday when you am a zombie. And Zombie mean that in the “opening presents and seeing what is inside” sense and not in the “getting into arguments with family peepulz” sense. Zombies surprisingly cordial.

Anyway, Zombie not celebrate holidays in any formal way. We tried gift exchange one time but everybody ate brains before giving them to other zombies so we just decided to eat whatever we had and then get together later for singing the Zombie Carols.

And Zombie not know a lot about bacon but heard that English zombies like beans (they put beans on EVERYTHING). This Zombie like regular brains. Don’t know why anyzombie want to hide the flavor.

yrs,
Zombie

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Zombie am thankful for your questions.
So send more. Send to ZombieAdvice(at)PopCap.com.
Now time for pie!


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