Not too too long ago in the grand scheme of things we had a wonderful post here on the Blog Ride called Rejected Game Ideas #1, which itself followed another wonderful post, Rejected Game Titles. But we have such a bubbly vast assortment of amazing rejected games that we had to run a follow up post, which is this very post. And who knows, with your support some of these may go from “rejected games” to “nearly rejected games” to “real games”**. They are, if I can say so and retain a smidge of modesty, genius.
Here is the list, with explanatory statements as needed.
Karma Hoe-Down – Behavioral therapists said it couldn’t be done, but we (almost) did it: a game that combines Timothy Leary psychedelia with Old McDonald. For kids of all ages.
Vampyromaniacs – You’re a member of a blood-sucking undead Def Leppard cover band. Will you make it far enough to play the “Love Bites” third encore?
The Oh Well Well – Where every sigh counts and a swoon counts double!
Posthole Digger’s Revenge – Those dratted postholes are at it again. But getting revenge isn’t as hollow as you think.
Dictatortots II: Tyrantipasta – In this follow up to the USPB award-winning game of potato-product domination, the Penne Potentate has taken over southern Europe. Can you lead the brave freedom-fighting olive resistance?
Ready. Fire. Aim! – The hilarious game where it’s not what you hit but how much you meant to hit it that counts.
Bought the Farm Report – You’re stuck in Cincinnati in this feverish fly trap, with duel goals of reporting on a recent attack of the un-dead and protecting blond triplets.
Disastrophe – Just when it couldn’t get any worse.
Demolicious – The tragic follow up to Disastrophe.
Pandora’s Suggestion Box – What plague or evil will be suggested in this classic game where the goal is to make the day, the office, and the world a mess faster than the competition.
Now Drink This! – Take the place of Jerry “The Professor” Thomas in this game of bartending blarney. But is buttoning a vest while tossing a flaming Blue Blazer and chatting wittily about the Brooklyn Superbas an unattainable goal?
Here Comes the Sponge – Ba da da da, here comes the sponge, ba da da da, here comes the sponge, and you’ll say, it’s all right.
Taxi Crab – If only driving in reverse wasn’t so darn difficult.
What’s That Smell? – Olfactory hijinks abound when game controllers are plugged into every player’s nose. Let the best nostril win.
Crisp Factory – It’s crunch time at the Stockton-on-Tess crisp factory. Take control of stock quotas, packaging design, and protracted legal battles over sodium RDAs. But watch out for Alistair, the union boss. He’s right behind you!
Frenzeitgeist – A maelstrom of social media, trend watching, and catchphrasing, this first-person shooter was eventually deemed too violent.
Oops! – This upsy-daisy matching game never made it past the drawing board because we kept tripping over the drawing board.
Indeterminate Holster – Are you quick enough to tell if it’s a holster or not? The clock is ticking.
Fudge Trousers – The latest rage in culinary gaming has you pushing the boundaries and the temperature on the stove while trying to create delicate desserts shaped like common clothing.
Fleece the Yetis! – Grab your electric razor and get your snowshoes on as you chase cuddly yetis over hills and dales looking to shave ‘em and sell ‘em. Essential for all MBA students and fans of Banking Regulations: The Video Game.
Pleasant Horse – At one point, Unpleasant Horse arrived. It was unpleasant. Until now.
Monetizaur 2: The Microtransactionator – People who like dinosaurs that make money will love Monetizaur! This version takes it to another level.
Too Many Tonys – Bennett, Blair, Morrison, Randall, Soprano, Padua, the brownstone’s bursting with Tonys and they have to be escorted out before the aliens land. Warning: each Tony responds differently.
Up Your Chimney – It’s the ultimate Chimney Sweep vs. Bindlestiff showdown! The rest are only imitations.
I Am A.J. Rathbun – Actually, no one here really liked this idea but me. But you’ll agree, right, that it would have been perhaps the finest in the history of games?
*As Curtis once said, “Please don’t steal. Or, if you do, steal well.”
**This in no way equals a contract between us and you that would end in us actually ever making any of these games, even if you start talking about the game on various media, including sandwich boards. Though the latter would be quite cool.