Ask a Zombie: “Rainy Days and Mondays” Edition


Dearest Zombie,

My history class is SUPER boring and even my teacher agrees with that. I was thinking you could come and teach instead, but I know you are a busy guy, hunting for brains, dealing with plants, and keeping Dr. Zomboss pleased. What can I do to keep third period from lulling me to sleep?

Thanks in advance,
Sick of Social Studies

Dear Sicko,

Finger puppets, bawdy limericks, musical theater. You can do these things with the teechur’s help or do them quietly at your desk to pass the time. Or you can do them loudly at your desk and that will get you sent out of class and then you can go outside and get some fresh air. Fresh air is good pick-you-up. Zombie has lots of energy from being out of doors alla time. Zombie gonna be looking for your big, flabby, not-learning-nothing brain. Book learning makes brains kinda gamey so thanks for agreeing to provide delicious snacks for Zombie.

yrs,
Zombie


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Dear Zombie,

How do you get out of the friend zone?

-RW

Dear RW,

You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension — a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You’re moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You’ve just crossed over into the… wait, no, that not it.

Sorry, dude. (If you are a dude. How am Zombie to know?) Friend zone is a trap. Maybe if you save adorable woodland creature from certain doom (trick is to do it while person is watching) then maybe that help. Or just start wearing really tight pants. Even if you stuck in friend zone, you gonna look real good.

yrs,
Zombie

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Dear Zombie,

Should I go for interview for a club’s chairman? My teacher nominates me for that but I don’t know if I should go. Please give me some advice.

Thank you.

Yours,
Georgina

Dear Georgina,

Like most things, it depends. Is chairman job for teacher to push off menial tasks onto someone else? Will you be in position of authority or will you just be making copies and organamizing bake sales and going on coffee runs? Because Zombie think that unless it is appointed post in which you get to wield immense power completely unchecked while having a legion of underlings to do your bidding and take all the blame when people get mad at you, then it totes not worth it. Otherwise, you just an intern.

yrs,
Zombie

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Dear Zombie,

I run a business. I regularly email my clients and customers with nice detailed letters explaining everything they need to know. Everything they need to know is also spelled out on our website. But I still gets tons of emails with dumb questions that I’ve already answered at least once. What is the best way to deal with people who won’t read information for themselves?

Thank you!
Sick of Dimwits

Dear SoD,

HAHAHAHA! Yeah. Zombie not understand peepulz. Anyway, just stop sending information. Srsly, why you spending so much time on FAQ when all you getting are QFASTBPDRE (Questions Frequently Aksed Several Time Because People Don’t Read Email)? If that not work then refuse their custom. Say unto them, “Your question has been asked and answered! Asked and answered! Asked! Answered! Fie upon you. Fie!” Or just take deep breath and roll with it. Peepulz is busy what with driving small peepulz around in minivans to kickball games and playing explodey jewel games on phones (often while driving the minivan – Zombie say oh THAT is good idea!) and whatnot. They not haves time to read.

yrs,
Zombie

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Dear Zombie,

If you were to run for president of the United States, what would your platform be?

Taramisu

Dear T,

Windows.

yrs,
Zombie

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You has question. Zombie has answer.
You might not like it but Zombie not hear to sugarcoat.
You want the truth? Zombie can handle the truth.
Type at Zombie over here: ZombieAdvice(at)PopCap.com


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