Ask a Zombie: “How Many Licks Does It Take?” Edition


Dear Zombie,

Do you think I should wait for that one particular college that I want to attend if they’re full or try applying for another one?

-kerranika

Dear kerranikanikanikkerranikanikanikkerranikanikanik,

By all means, put all eggs in one basket. That way when you do not get into that one school and you don’t have a fallback school then you live at home and work at Parade of Shoes for a year. That going to help Zombie out a ton since Zombie already know where you live and won’t have to try to find you at some new place. Thank you for not making Zombie have to update Rolodex.

yrs,
Zombie

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Dear Mr. Zombie,

Why do you give us time to plant sunflowers and peashooters while you only send in weak zombies? Why not send in like 50 Gargantuars at once while we’re still planting our first few plants?

-Amber

Dear Ambah,

Becuz Zombie like to see look on your face after you spend all that time to get garden all planted and then Gargantuar come through and squish everything without hardly trying. Hoo boy, Zombie wish you could see it. Totally worth the setup. Zombie laughing just thinking about it.

yrs,
Zombie
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Dear Zombie,

How can I eat a brain when there is a skull in the way and I have no blunt object and we happen to be in a padded room.

lil monnie man

Dear Mr. Man,

Skull is like lollipop. Just keep licking it and you will get to gooey center. Things not as hard as you trying to make them.

yrs,
Zombie
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Hello Zombie-

I am going on a date with an English Professor this weekend and I want to make a good impression. Should I wear a dress or something more casual like jeans? I figured you would have experience in this area.

Thank you!
Dating Dope

Dear Double D,

Is date guy a professer of English or is he a perfessor who is from England. Much depends on your answer. If he a guy what teaches English then you doing him a favor by just showing up. Wear a muu-muu and mismatched snow boots and he will propose to you. Easy peasy. Doesn’t matter. If he is a guy who is English then you is gonna have to be a little more la-di-da. Prolly wear a corset and a powederrd wig. Maybe one of those crazy hat-that-goes-on-your-forehead things like Princess Beatrice (sorry, Zombie cannot spell “fascinator”). Regular guy think you are furniture. Fancy English man think you are fish-and-chips or whatevs English guys say for things they like. (If it sounds dirty or insulting, that is how you know it is a compliment.) Anyways, if guy is English English Proffesor then wear a flowery hat and carry a carpet bag and remind him that Bob is his uncle.

yrs,
Zombie
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Dear Zombie,

I’m thinking of growing a garden in my backyard. But I can’t decide what kind of plants to grow? What plants should I start with?

From,
Sander

Dear Sander,

Let us take a lesson from your name. No plants are the best plants. Why not make it all sand? Sand feel good between your toes, never needs mowing, and good for practicing beach volleyball. Who does not love beach volleyball? Nobody Zombie want to know, that is a for sure thing. Why everybody always “oh I want a nice garden. Wouldn’t some plants be nice?” But then you spend all your alone time out there pulling weeds and feeding stupid stupid plants and watering them and making sure they are okay and why do you want to spend all that time taking care of something too dumb to take care of itself? Seems like lot of work for not so much return. It is like some crazy plant hip hypp whammy been put on everyone and they not know it. Plants not in it for you, pal. Plants only in it for plantselfs. Fight the power.

yrs,
Zombie
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Have a question for Zombie?
Type at ZombieAdvice(at)PopCap.com where (at)=@.
Zombie want to help. Why you not let Zombie help?

Don’t be like that. Zombie thought you was friend.


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