Ask a Zombie: “You Wouldn’t Like Me When I’m Angry” Edition


Dear Zombie,

Now that Click and Clack are leaving their show, I hope you’ll be willing to take over my car advice:

When I press the accelerator, I hear a “wooo-wooo-wooo-wooo-tink-tink-clunk”. In winter, if it’s very cold outside, it’s the same but without the final clunk. What could be the problem?

Thanks in advance,
Roger

PS: It might help to tell you that I drive 1996 Tiburon.

Dear Roger,

Click and clack is sound Zombie knees make when Zombie walk up stairs. How does noise get a show? There is great many things Zombie not understand. Anyway, if Zombie had to guess – and Zombie have to guess because Zombie not even have a car but if Zombie did that would make things way easier… hmm… Roger give Zombie lots to think about… Okay, anyway, where was Zombie? Click, clack, car, thing… right! Okay, Zombie back on track now. When you step on accelamarator you hear weird noise? Did Roger hit something? Get out of car and look. Or maybe woodland creature crawled up under hood. Poke engine with a stick and see if anything comes out. Zombie just spitballing. What problem probly is is that Roger is driving a car from last century.

yrs,
Zombie


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Dear Zombie,

I was born in west Philadelphia, and lived there my entire life. I spent most of my days chilling out and relaxing by the playground, or shooting some basketball out by the school. but recently a couple of guys who were up to no good started making trouble in my neighborhood. I just got in one little fight and my mom got scared, and told me “You’re moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-air”. So I took this bad smelling cab with a license plate that said “Fresh” to my new house (it looks like a kingdom), paid the man, and told him “Yo, homes smell you later!” I just have one problem: I know nothing about living like a Prince in Bel-air, do you have any advice?

William

Dear William,

Who can turn the world on with a smile? Who can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile? Well it is you William, and you should know it. With each glance and every little movement you show it. How will you make it on your own? This world is awfully big, William this time you are all alone. But it time you started living. It is time you let someone else do some giving. Love is all around, no need to waste it. You can have a town, why you not take it? You gonna make it after all.

yrs,
Zombie

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Dear Sir/Madam,

Please find attached our latest press release.

Kind regards,
Markus Pohl

Dear Sirmam,

Please find attached Zombie’s level of interest in latest press release.

yrs,
Zombie

P.S. Did you find it? No? Exactly.

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Dear Zombie,

First, do you and the other zombies get along? Second, why do you eat our brains? and third, what style house and lawn do you like to invade most? Please reply.

Peter

P.S, what happens if you get bitten by a zombie, and struck by lightning 15.379548 seconds later? Also, i’m writing a zombie novel. Could you give me any information on zombie habits?

Dear Peter,

First, Zombies get along okay. It not like we have big hug parties or nothing, but we are corg korj polite enuf. Second, if you has to aks, you will not never unnerstand. And third, Zombie like one-story house with no doors. But style of house not so big a deal as long as it gots peepul in it. Zombie will find a way. There. Zombie replied. What does Zombie win?

yrs,
Zombie

P.S. You gets to be awesome for about 15 seconds. You are writing a book? I hope you has a copyeditur.

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Dear Zombie,

How do you get more free plants?

-Brian

Dear Brain Brian,

Wha- who- wha- IT LIKE YOU NOT EVEN KNOW ZOMBIE! Creezy. Zombie not mean to yell, but has Brain been paying attention? Why come you think Zombie going to help you find plants? Unless you is looking for plants to run over with truck back and forth back and forth until there is no plants left. Is that what Brain want free plants for? Because then Zombie on board with your sweet plan. But if you going to just put them in your yard and say, “Okay plantz, you are free to hurt zombies” then no dice. Anywayz, if you want to find plantz, go to the saddest place you can think of and you probaly find a bunch of them there. Plantz is sad is what Zombie is saying. And not “boo hoo” sad.

yrs,
Zombie

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Need advice? Zombie standing by.
Type at ZombieAdvice(at)PopCap.com.
It is better to regret something you have done than something you have not done.


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