Ask a Zombie: “You Are Not Leaving My House Dressed Like That” Edition


Geesh,

I wanted to know more about wearing socks with sandals! There’s a big debate about that here in the Northwest. See, it rains a lot and our feet get cold!

Kathryn

Geesh?

Maybe your feet get cold because you are wearing sandals in the rain and your socks are wet. Did you think about that? Zombie think you did not. Here is the thing that is, there is not a “debate” about it. There is just people what wear socks with sandals and people what know better. Do you wear underpants on the outside? Not even Superman do that anymore. Who you want to be like? Superman or guy who not know where underpants go?

yrs,
Zombie

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Dear Zombie,

I want to know your opinion, I’m at that age where I’m starting to go grey, should I fight it or just age gracefully?

Thanks,
William

Willie!

Fight it, man! Get that hair stuff that supposed to hide gray hair but turns hair copper. Ladies love that. Grow one side of hair out and comb it over (even if you not going bald – DO IT!). Have a ponytail. Keep wearing 32-waist pants even though you should wear 36. Get a convertible. Shop at that place in the mall that is totally for teenagers (not important which one). Visit tanning booth. Pretend you like Skrillex.* Every time you walk into room say “What up, party people?”

As poet said, “Do not go gently into something something something…” Zombie not remember. Too busy adopting disaffected pose. 23 Skidoo!

yrs,
Zombie

*This is easy one. Everybody only pretending to like Skrillex.
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Hello Zombie

I need help! I love a girl but she dosent love me back! what Should i do?

–Brandon

P.S.
Did you know that youe grammar is off?

Dear Brandon,

Sounds like you has a choice. Either keep chasing girl what not interested in you (because that is fun and not at all a waste of time) or go make a sandwich. If you just want muse for bad poetry then do that first thing, but Zombie think mabey you just hungry.

yrs,
Zombie

P.S. Are you “pot” or “kettle” in this scenario?
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Dear Zombie,

I’m confused. If the plural of goose is geese, then why isn’t the plural of moose, meese? I have been wondering this for quite some time. And, why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

Signed,
Contemplative

Dear Long Word,

Beacuase “meese” is plural of “mouse.” As for other question, let Zombie aks you this, why is it “pair of underwear” but only one bra? What is an occasional table the rest of the time? Zombie could do this all day. Why is cargo on a ship but shipment go by car? Okay, Zombie not want to do this all day. We done here.

yrs,
Zombie
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Dear Zombie,

I need a presidential candidate who will be an effective leader. Would you think about running? Given we would need good funding and such but I’m not opposed to being a campaign manager.

Thank you!
Disappointed in the Living Candidates

Dear Dis,

You going to have to show Zombie you has money-making skillz. Send $25 USD to me and we can talk. Zombie not have a regular what you call “address” so how to get me $25 USD is for you to figure out. If you going to be the brains of this outfit, maybe you sh… maybe… m… sorry Zombie got distracted by talking about brains. So um… yeah, brains… what was the question?

yrs,
Zombie
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Dear Mr. Zombie.

Why don’t zombies catch on fire when hit by a fireball or while eating a Torchwood?

Sincerely,
Garret.

Dear Garret,

Zombies are very damp.

yrs,
Zombie
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Need advice? Zombie standing by.
Type at ZombieAdvice(at)PopCap.com.
You won’t regret it. At first.


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