Dear Mr. Zombie,
I’d like to invite you to my birthday party, but I’m wondering if you’ll be a bad zombie and start eating everyone. Will you promise me to be good?
Sure. Zombie promise to be good. Why not? Now make with the address so we can get this thing started. It possible, though, that how Zombie define “good” and how Andrew define “good” are diffurnt. But, as Zombie always say, “You pays money you takes choice.” Oh, did Zombie forget to mention Zombie has appearance fee? Zombie not doing this for charity. This smart tie don’t come cheap.
I am a zombieologist. I study zombies and want to know more about your race. Are there different kinds of brains you like to eat like juicy ones, rubbery ones, sweet ones, bitter ones and more? Also you eat plants to get to brains. Sometimes, you drop plants. Why don’t you eat them?
Sounds like mabey you not study zombies so much as you trying to get Zombie to do your homework for you. But whatev, Zombie play along. All brains taste the same – deelishuz. Some bigger than others, but all are squishy and gray and yum. Zombie think it high praise for humanz that your brains in such high demand but peepulz get all “oh no please do not eat my peepul brain I am using it.” Zombie not sure when peepul forgot how to take a compliment. As for plants, Zombie just do what need to be done. Zombie not like eating plants (not for plants but beacuase Zombie not like to eat things what been on the ground), but plants refuse to cooperate so they gets what they gots coming to them.
Ok heres the problem I’m dating my best friend but he doesn’t talk to me or hang out with me or even put any effort into the relationship at all. I try to tell him this but he always claims that he’s trying too hard to make it work. Then theres this other guy who lives a few hours away who I talk to all the time and we get along and like each other and I want to go visit him once I get a car but I’m still technically dating my best friend. What should I do?
Between a rock and a hard place
Dear BARAAHP (excuse me),
Zombie sawed this movie. It that one where lady not sure if she should stay with Alec or take a chance on Kevin then at end of movie she is all “I choose me.” So mabey you wants to be like that lady beacuase it sound like you either with some jerkface who live close to you or other guy who you think might not be a jerkface but you don’t know beacuase you not see him and then you have to get a car and drive all that way just to find out mabey he is also a jerkface and why he not come over to you one time instead of making you buy a car just to see his (jerk)face like is he Pasha of Marrakech or something. Either way, you doing too much work.
Need advice from Zombie? Yes, you do. Maybe you not think you do, but who you going to listen to, Zombie or you? Look where listening to you ended you up. So write to Zombie already: ZombieAdvice(at)PopCap.com.