Talk to the Horn: Ballywood


Hi, folks! I spent last week chatting with some of your human movie producers who have expressed interest in making a moving picture about Peggle!

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You know me; I’m a cosmopolitan unicorn of the world. I’ve been around, I’ve visited your world, so I’ve had opportunity to see some of your movie-shows for myself. Very entertaining, though I don’t understand why I haven’t seen your Steve Guttenberg in anything recently.

Anyway, two very high-level producers flew Jimmy and myself out to your Hollywood to discuss their ideas for making a Peggle movie. It was a most illuminating discussion!

“Let me tell ya, Bjorny-babe” said one of two identical humans in slick white suits, “we love Peggle. Love it. LOVE. IT.”

“Why, thank you,” I replied. “We’re very fond of it as well!”

“HAHAHA,” said the other identical human (or it may have been the first one). “That’s funny. You’re funny. This is great. Isn’t this great?”

I swiftly agreed that it was.

“So you know we love Peggle, right? We think it can be huge. Bigger than huge. What’s bigger than huge?” the one human asked the other.

“Gigantormous.”

“Yes. Totally. It can be that. There’s just a couple of little things we gotta iron out.”

“Sure, of course,” said I. “What do you have in mind?”

“Well, we’re not so hot on the peg part. Pegs don’t test so good. For certain audiences, pegs are fine, don’t get me wrong, but they’re poison for the kind of demographic we’re looking at. Same with bricks. Pegs and bricks, we gotta find something for them. How do you feel about legs and hicks?”

“Um…”

“I’m just spitballing, we don’t have to decide today. Kegs and licks could work too. And the ball. It’s not doing it for me. The ball and the rainbows and all that magic stuff. I’m thinking we go darker. Like, really dark. We get that guy, the guy from that thing with the bats, we get him to play you but he’s all gnarly, right? Piercings and leather and lots of crazy gnarly tattoos, he’s like a real badass, right? And he’s trapped in a space prison and he’s got to hook up with Tula and and and, what’s beaver-guy’s name?”

“Jimmy!” yelled Jimmy. “And I’m not a beaver, I’m a totally rad gopher!”

“Right, he hooks up with Tula and Jimmy Gopher Guy and they get this magic potion, but it’s not magic, it’s like, science that’s really advanced. And they drink the potion and it puts them in this, like, other world and they fight stuff from their minds but really they’re just fighting other guys in the prison, and when they finally bust out it’s all like HELLZ YA EXTREME FEVER BOYYYZ!!!”

He continued to pump the air with his fist for a few seconds after he finished speaking, then opened his eyes (they’d been closed the whole time) and directed them at me and Jimmy.

Jimmy and I regarded each other. We’d heard all we needed to.

“Where do we sign?”

Reposted from the official Bjorn Blog – Talk to the Horn. 


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