Doping Scandal Roils PopCap Olympics

Over the past few weeks, we’ve documented the performances of our beloved Zombie Temp Worker during the PopCap Olympics. We’ve witnessed amazing feats of skill and sportsmanship by many people competing against Zombie. We’ve witnessed Zombie perform… well… miserably.

But now, although I don’t know why anyone cares, Zombie’s performances are coming under closer scrutiny. Sources close to the situation have confirmed Zombie is currently under investigation for using some sort of performance-enhancing substance. We don’t know what it is. I’m assuming brains with a little extra Vitamin Awesome in them.

We don’t know who blew the whistle on this, but rumors abound that it was someone who was less than happy about losing to Zombie. To which I say: why would you want to do anything other than hide forever if Zombie beat you at Musical Chairs?

While we wait to get more information on this, here are a few images that have surfaced that may suggest Zombie’s been juicing.

Proof that supplements give Zombie magnetic powers, or just sticky hands?

Hair growing in strange places — a side effect of his devious plan?

Erratic behavior leads to trace amounts of "zombie gross" on sofa.

Is this “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Brains” or is it really “Zombie’s Illegal Substance”?

Caught on camera: consumption of questionable supplements?

So what do you think? Do we have proof that Zombie has been cheating to gain an edge in Nerf Marksmanship? Is it unproof? We may never know. But at least we can be thankful for this: Zombie has lost every challenge he’s entered during our PopCap Olympics, so we’ve proven it’s probably better for zombies to just say no.

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