Ask a Zombie: Questionable Typing Skills Edition


dear zombie,

when do zombies like to hunt for brain, and do people ever run and scream when you are trying to steal their brains?

-Jackson

Dear Jackie-baby,

Let Zombie answer your question with question: Why you not know how to use shift key? You expect to get into college with typing like that? Pfft. Maybe clown college.

yrs,
Zombie

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Dear Zombie,

My friend Gets Reallyy Mad When I Talk To My Other Friend And Wants Me To Pick Her Over Her What Should I Do?

Bubby Cat

Dear Cat,

Only way to reallyy settle friend problem is with cage match. Lock them in room together and tell them that whoever come out first get to be your friend. Then when they are locked in room, you go out and make some new friends. Everybody is winner!

yrs,
Zombie

PS: Also pleez find that Jackson guy in letter above and show him how to work shift key. Looks like you figured it out pretty good.

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Dear Zombie,
I just turned 50 and thus am feeling like I’m probably approaching death’s door soon. What can I do to prepare myself for life on the other side?

Signed,
Old Guy

Dear Old Guy

Two words: blue pants and brown jacket. You could get red club tie if you want. Maybe put bucket on head. Or orange cone. But you has to buy it. Zombie not advocating stealing from local municipality highway division. Zombie not a scofflaw.

yrs,
Zombie

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Zombie,

Being undead and all I’m sure you can relate to offensive odors emanating from one’s feet. How do you remedy stinky feet? Thanks, in advance, for your help!

Sent from Gabe’s Windows Phone

Dear Phone,

What gives? Why you otto atta right away think Zombie has stinky feet? How you not know Zombie’s feet not smell not like puppies? Or springtime? Or potato chips? Maybe you not judge Zombie until you walk mile in Zombie shoes. Shoes that smell kind of like mushrooms, by the way. Which is only stinky if that not your thing. Otherwise: Mushrooms! Yum!

yrs,
Zombie

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Dear Zombie,

My name is Alex and I am 10 years old when I grow up I’d like to be a zombie so would you please eat my brains so I become a zombie?

Thanks.

A Kid Who Wants to be a Zombie

Dear Kid Who Wants to be a Zombie Named Alex,

Sure.

yrs,
Zombie

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Google+ Corner
In which Zombie addresses some of stuff what people write on Google+

AHAHAHAHAHA! Zombie is kidding. Nobody on Google+. This is all from Facebook.

Thomas agitates
Is it true that only 1% of all zombies get the chance to eat 99% of the brains on a lawn or house?
The more brains Zombie eats, more brains available for other zombies. Don’t aks how it works. Not important how. Important that it do. –Zombie

Kaori menulis
boleh saya ikut membaca koran anda?!
Pasti, datang dekat dan berdiri masih betul-betul di depan saya. Anda akan denda. Percayalah. –Zombie

Lorri saddens
sometimes I’d rather talk to zombies than my own family
Soon whole family will be zombies, then what Lorri going to do? –Zombie

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Need advice from Zombie? Zombie want to help. For reals.
Besides, Zombie mailbag nearly empty so help Zombie out. You want Zombie to have job, right?
Write to Zombie at ZombieAdvice(at)PopCap.com.
But do not type “(at)”. That would be silly. Use the @ thingy.


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