Ask a Zombie… DO IT!


Dear Zombie,

How are you going to kill us all if 2012 comes first? Nobody will be threatened or scared of zombies anymore.

Your Fan,
That Guy That’s Not Afraid Of Zombies Anymore

Dear That Guy,

Zombie think mabey you shud change name to “That Guy What Do Not Know Anything About Synergy.” Zombie and Mayans go way back. Just saying.

yrs,
Zombie


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Dear Zombie,

I don’t think you’re eating enough fruit.

Yours,
Wendell Cobbs

Hello “Wendell,”

First, that not a question. And B, this column for Zombie to give advice to peepul not for to take advice. Zombie especially not take advice from guy named “Cobbs.” You think Zombie not know who this is for reals?

yrs,
Zombie

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Dear Zombie,

I fell in love with a boy, but he was younger, so I asked the sister of my best friend, which has the same age as he, to help us begin to speak, but instead, she kissed him, and now they are together, though she did not like him, and speak ill of him to her sister. The worst is that now when she sees me, she laughs at me and I cannot answer because I’m afraid my friend get mad, or he… what should I do?

Thanks for the help,
Crazy cat lady

Dear Lady,

Ooh, Zombie remember this episode of “Melrose Place.” Maybe you should go all Jane and Sydney. Find swimming pool (or lily pond), wait by swimming pool (or lily pond) until sister of best friend come close then make big flying leap and push her in. Some peepul call this the Krystle Carrington, but result is same. Good luck.

yrs,
Zombie

PS. Zombie lawyer says Zombie cannot tell you do to this thing, so Zombie not telling you to do this, okay? Zombie also not NOT telling you to do this so do whatever. This conversation never happened.

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Dear Zombie,

With humanity’s exponentially increasing ease and total mobility of interpersonal communication, increasing accessibility of tactical weaponry (including environmentally conscious bio-weaponry), mass availability of CCTV surveillance and to a lesser extent the availability of unmanned reconnaissance drones, and human society’s general desensitization through modern culture of the undead, the real question is: what fashions will be the hottest trends for this winter season?

Thanks!
Isaac Mezombie

Dear Italkalot,

Stirrup pants. Don’t say Zombie didn’t warn you.

yrs,
Zombie

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Need advice from Zombie? Zombie want to help. Srsly.
Write to Zombie at ZombieAdvice(at)PopCap.com.
But do not type “(at)”. Use the @ thingy. Zombie just trying to cut down on spam.


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