Ask a Zombie

Dear Zombie,

I just erased a chain-mail about a girl in Australia being eaten by a zombie because she didn’t send the mail to other people, and now I’m scared.

My question is, do you really track those mails to see who sends it and who doesn’t?

Take care,

Dear Juandi,

Little knowed fact, Zombie invented internet. Other people say that not true, but other people don’t eat your brainz so who you going to believe? So, yes, Zombie keep track of who obey and who not obey. Why you think Zombie go thru all that trouble to write emailz and send to errybody? You think it just for fun? HAHA, it just for fun really. We going to find you anyway. The email thing is just to mess with you. See you on November 8.




My name is Miss Rose, I am a young, beautiful and caring lady. I am so much happy to contact you today because I would like to establish a long lasting relationship with you. I am very much interested in knowing more about you. I will send you my pictures and also tell you more about me if you reply. Remember that distance, age or color does not matter but true love matters a lot in every relationship and also remember that beauty fade, money disappoint, but true love that will exist between you and me will last longer than ever.

Thanks waiting to hear from you today.

love and kisses, yours

Dear Miss Rose,

You sound like Zombie’s kind of lady. If Zombie not know better, Zombie think Zombie rote that letter Zombie-self. Anyway, Zombie glad you so open-minded (not just becuz it make your brain easier to get to) but sad truth is that Zombie not one-woman kind of Zombie. Zombie gots to run free. Well, not “run” but “shuffle” but Zombie think you picking up what Zombie putting down. I know weird lonely dude with a pot on his head and a bad-fitting shirt. He has beard. You like him. Maybe I forward your email to him.

yrs, (not really)


dear zombie,

lately i feel like my teachers have been treating me differently at school, i don’t really understand why? they use to treat me so good during the first few years, now all of the sudden it is like they hate me. any advice on what i can do to fix this issue?

Dear Guy Who Forgot to Sign Letter and Doesn’t Capitalize Anything,

Zombie think Zombie found problem. Or maybe man just trying to keep you down, man. Whatever. Zombie think you maybe shud cons konz do homework and not try to win popularity contest. That way, you grow nice big brain and isn’t that more important after all? (Note: that is rhetorical question so don’t answer. Wow, now Zombie know why teechurz so cranky all the time.)



Hey zombies

Thought i’d ask your help with engineering. I have a terrible time understanding engineering any ways you could help me understand the material better. By the way it’s nuclear mechanical engineering.


What up andys,

Zombie know a thing or two about nucular mechawhatsit.

1. Explosions = bad.

2. Don’t make explosions.

Just remember them one or two things and you probly be in bizness.



Dear Zombie,

I’m having an argument with my dad. He says that spicy food is great, but I can’t stand the stuff. Am I a weenie or is he a jerk?


Dear Sean,




Need advice from Zombie? Zombie want to help.
Write to Zombie at ZombieAdvice(at)
But do not type “(at)”. Use the @ thingy. Zombie just trying to cut down on spam.

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