Ladies and gentlemen, this is the most important news you’ll read all day.
We had a ton of entries to our recent PopCap Bling T-Shirt Contest. To win one of three limited edition shirts, contestants had to translate Cray-Z’s nonsensical lyrics from Cray-Z’s “Wabby Wabbo” music video (go watch it!). We had fun reading them all, but three entries stood above all the rest. And for their troubles, we’re giving them this awesome shirt:
And the t-shirt goes to…
Here are the winners, along with their winning lyrics. Congratulations to Chad, Tom, and Carmine! (And if you ARE Chad, Tom, or Carmine, look for a congratulatory email from us.)
Chad, from Bellevue, Illinois
My name is Crazy Dave
Let me break you off some knowledge
Before the dead rose again
I studied botany in college
This saucepan on my head?
Cuz of the Government’s waves
They tryna steal my thoughts
So they can make more Crazy Daves
People dissin’ Cra-Z D
They sayin I’m dumb
Then they bustin on my door
For counter measures, by gum
So I hustled all my gear
to help ‘em fight the living dead
Now I’m sittin in a hot tub
with an octopus on my head
::auto tuned:: CRAZY DAVE
Straight rollin in bills
My house is plated gold
The garbage bin packed full
Of zombies re-turned cold
But I ain’t goin’ soft
Rhymin’ this 808 line
Cuz I’m crossbreeding begonias
With claymore mines
When panic sets in
I know it’s hard to think
I’ll make deal on a case of
Brain Ooze! Energy Drink
Look out for zombie bobsled
They can’t hold it steady
We gotta hit the whip
It’s the yodeling Zombie Yeti
Tom, from Kennesaw, GA
Ayo, Cray-Z’s top banana, who does Fiddy-think-he’s?
I came up making cabbage selling Twiddydinkies
like rakes and pool cleaners out the back of my car, man
life’s been hard since I threw my back out with that garbage can
But I don’t need to pop a cap, I get by on bluster
I’ll give you eight grand just for that full-grown grave buster
Cuz I’m Cray-Z Dave and I peel off Benjamins like bananas
Gone are the days I’d scare my neighbors roofing in my pajamas
Yeah I may be Cray-Z but my homies are fortunate
That I’m an expert in all things horticulturate
An’ I know y’all be digging my rhymes like you be squirbos
And not just cause I’m the last MC on Earth, though
I’m not just sayin’ my rhymes are hittin’ you with jalapeno hot beats
They be stuck in your brain like a No. 2 pencil in a ladder zombie
Diamond-encrusted, that how I eat off the floor, young’uns
If you call Cray-Z Dave you’d best be calling me collect, son
So keep your gats please, I gots me some gatling peas
(But I’m allergic to cats so those cattails make me sneeze)
Yeah that’s why my nose gets red just like a floating red balloon or red checkers
But I’m still signed with Ded Jam and got much love for Bloom and Doom Records
I’m gonna stick around cuz I compose deep rhymes (unlike those undead felons)
But if they come out the ground I got a compost heap full o’ winter melons
That’s why y’all’d be nuts to be afraid to bump in Cray-Z Dave’s hood
I got a yard full of Wall-Nuts so stick with me and you’ll be A-O Good
Carmine, from Rockville Centre, NY
Why do they call it PopCap? Because I be poppin’ caps!
If a zombie tries to grab me, I don’t pull out a strap.
Just hit up Twiddydinkies, and I pop a jar of seeds.
The walking dead get mowed down by a hail of gatling peas.
And if you see my car keys would you call me?
I’ll be standing by the trunk, eating bacon off the floor.
Chillin’ in the hot tub with my new hat,
My name is Cray-to-the-Z, now you all remember that!
My crib just got re-did in marigold.
And my car is fully pimped from the flora that I’ve sold.
And the spending doesn’t stop at my wheels.
I surround myself in gold, ’cause I love the way it feels.
I went from cuttin’ record deals to cuttin’ record deals.
I’d like to take a bath in some gravy.
If you have to ask why, you don’t know that I’m Cray-Z!
Here comes the yeti from behind!
This whole music video happened only in my mind!