That’s What They Said


So, I’m feeling a little abandoned over here today. There’s still no sign of Jeff Green or the rest of the blogging team. Maybe they fell asleep behind the furniture while waiting for me to show up for my surprise party? A boy can dream, anyway.

I thought I’d ask our local Zombie for some advice but he’s been missing all week, too. I did manage to track down a few other friends to see if they had any words of wisdom for a lonely writer.


Wall-nut: “What? Oh, sorry. I didn’t know you were there. Uh… first, remain calm. Second, eschew excitement. And C, cultivate an air of detachment. And if you could scratch my back, that’d be dynamite. It’s driving me crazy and, well… no arms! Thanks.”


Sunflower: “Oh, I’m so happy to see you! You look great today! Don’t you worry about a thing! Everything’s going to work out great! Don’t be a Gloomy Gus! With a smile on your face and a song in your heart, you can accomplish anything!” (This went on for about 45 minutes. I’ll spare you the rest.)


Puff-shroom: “Gee, I dunno, Mister. Mostly I just sit in the dark and mind my own business. Have you tried that? Sitting in the dark? Minding your own business? You have? Did it work? Well, gee, I dunno. I dunno what to tell ya. Maybe you should sit someplace darker minding your own business even harder. That’s what I’d do.”


Peashooter: “It’s simple really. You wait. You wait as long as it takes and when they show up you start firing. And you don’t stop until their heads are… what? Oh, you’re not talking about zombies? Oh, okay. So… wait. You wait as long as it takes and when they show up you make them buy you lunch.”

Thanks, friends.


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