The Cat is Away


Welcome back to the working week, loyal reader(s). As I wandered the editorial offices this morning, I was surprised to discover that I was the only blog-writer person in the building. At first I thought it just a by-product of the fact that I arrive at the impossible hour of 7:30, but as the morning wore on it became evident that I was flying solo.

Now I had spent the long weekend in the garden and at the lake, not thinking about work, confident in the knowledge that our beloved Editorial and Social Media Director, Jeff Green, would be on the scene with his usual trenchant insights and irreverent observations, but…

Dude stood us up.

And since Mr. Green couldn’t be bothered to come into work today, I thought I’d sneak into his office to see what’s in there that he guards so jealously. So join me, if you please, on a brief tour of Jeff’s office.

The first thing you’ll notice are the spacious accommodations and expansive views. But let’s take a closer look at the tools of the trade, employed by our living legend.


The Ziggy mug.

What is it about Ziggy that Jeff finds so relevant? Is it the “nothing ever goes right” foibles of the comic-strip stalwart? Is it his relentlessly upbeat attitude no matter what life throws at him? Or is it that, like Ziggy, Jeff never wears pants?

The Donald.

Nothing says “I’m on the path to success” like a 12-inch talking Donald Trump doll. Actually, I pushed the button a lot and this thing never says “I’m on the path to success.” Mostly it just says “Never quit” and “You’re fired” which is a horribly mixed message, but maybe it’s the art of flim-flam that got Mr. Trump to the point where somebody thought making a plastic likeness of him (in a poorly made suit) was a good idea. Would I buy a plastic talking Jeff Green doll? I’d buy two! Somebody make it happen.

Soda. Or is it pop?

Something you might not know about Jeff is that he’s a notorious Juggalo. He doesn’t talk about it much, but ask anyone about “Crusty G” and they’ll just smile and nod. Sadly, Faygo is really hard to come by up here in the Pacific Northwest (you Michiganders don’t know how good you have it) but some of our Texas friends were able to dig up a few cases of this stuff to keep Jeff relatively happy and productive. Occasionally you can hear him muttering, “You ain’t Rock & Rye” but for the most part he manages to stay calm.

Thanks for stopping by. I’m going to see if I can’t track our man down and find out if he plans on doing any work this week.


To report an offensive post, hover over the upper right hand area of the comment and click the 'x' that appears.