Ask a Zombie

Dear Zombie,

My best friend is usually pretty cool but whenever I try to talk to a girl I like he comes around and is totally obnoxious and scares the girl away. How can I make him stop?

Stuck in the Middle


Dear Stuck,

You could eat his brainz. But if you are not zombie maybe that is a ungood idea. Does friend like shiny things? Distract him with a piece of alamin  alunnim tin foil and he won’t mess up your chances with the ladies anymore. This will work really good if best friend is a cat.



Querido Zombie,

Son fanatico del juego y mi mama ya esta desesperada porque no dejo de tararear La musica que ponen en cada nivel. Ya casi estoy como Crazy Dave y me pongo peor porque no tengo ni una planta del jardin zen del acuario. ¿Como le hago para que mi mama me tenga paciencia?


Preocupaciones Julián,

Lo primero, que Dave Crazy es una mala noticia. Él actúa como si fuera tu amigo, pero no se puede confiar. Ni siquiera se puede encontrar una camisa que se adapte y se cree que puede ayudar? Zombie es vuestro verdadero amigo. En cuanto a la música, dígale a su mamá que se está ejercitando su cerebro y que necesita para mantenerse en forma. Ella va a entender. Por lo tanto tienen una mente grande y fuerte para decir que Crazy Dave ir, porque los zombies están llegando a través de uno quiere decir hola a ellos.




I am contacting you for an important business proposal, therefore applying through this medium to go into joint business investment with you, which i believe will be of benefit to both of us based on your experience. I am a woman with ethics and would need your co-operation. Feel free to write back to me for further clarifications.

Best regards,
Miss. Barbara F. Johnson


Thank you for thinking of Zombie and applying through this medium and not talking to anybody else except Zombie about important bizness opporthingity. Zombie not too concerned about “ethics” but mostly becuz Zombie don’t know that is. As long as you agree that Zombie get 60% of the take, it is a no-brainer. HAHA! Do you see what Zombie did there? Call me.


Have question for Zombie? Zombie have answer. Write to Zombie at ZombieAdvice(at) But don’t type “(at)”. Use the @ thingy. Zombie just trying to cut down on spam.

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