Ask a Zombie


Dear Zombie,

I like to play on the computer, but I get bored easily. What else can I do over the summer?
- Bored Brain

Dear Bored,

Zombie love summer. Long days are perfect for aimless shuffling around town or on nature trails. You could take in a show (Zombie likes musicals) or go to museum you always say you will but never do. Or sit in back yard and wait for zombie to come over. Please do not wear a hat.



Dear Zombie,

How do I get my children to eat their vegetables? I want them to eat right but they just don’t seem interested. What can I do?

Fretful Mother

Dear Fretful,

Zombie applauds your decision to eat vegetables. It is what they deserve. If your kids were zombie and stupid vegetables kept hitting them in the face, kids would eat vegetables just to make them stop. Vegetables need to know who is the boss (hint: it is not vegetables).



Dear Zombie

There are several “how to survive a zombie apocalypse” guides for sale. I assume that you are an expert, so could you recommend the one most likely to assist me in surviving the aforementioned catastrophe?

Thank you deeply,
A Confused Consumer

Dear A,

Zombie is not gonna sugarcoat it. Only way to survive “zombie apocalypse” (we just call it “Tuesday”) is to join zombies. It is not so hard. When you least expect are ready we will send representative to go over details. Being zombie is pretty sweet deal. We make our own hours and because we are already dead, we save a bundle on health insurance.


Have question for Zombie? Zombie have answer. Write to Zombie at ZombieAdvice(at) But don’t type “(at)”. Use the @ thingy. Zombie just trying to cut down on spam.

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